Subtlety, Thy Name's Not Lily Now Complete!
by TeamocilAddict
Summary: "Potter idiotically ruined our plans by pointing out the one loophole, and... Oh, hell. I still shouldn't have done it." A humorous Lily/James POV about how the golden couple went from hatred to love. Filled with pranking, couple-names, jealousy, and random banter!
1. An Inconvenient Stroke of Genius

Stupid Potter and his stupid ideas. Unfortunately, my opinion is in the minority. Most everyone else in the common room was looking rather surprised, but still eying him appreciatively. He, of course, was staring at me expectantly and looking only momentarily disappointed that a similar expression of adoration wasn't mirrored on my face. Really, it was all I could do not to ruin all of our plans by throwing something at the idiot or at least glaring. Instead I remained impressively passive.

It was just so difficult when he was making that stupid smug face and grinning so widely. So, I closed my eyes tightly trying to remember that it really _wasn't_ his fault. He couldn't possibly have known.

If I reprimanded him he'd only tell me I should have told him in the first place. I couldn't help my scowl at that point. He is _such _an arse.

"Are you alright?" He was hovering over me now, apparently having decided proximity was a good idea. The fool.

I didn't respond.

"Are you actually angry I did something right?" Silence. "Ohhh, I get it. You wish you had been the one to come up with it."

The only thing that stopped my hand from flying to his face was Mary's hand. It grabbed mine and pulled me up to my feet. We made eye-contact and she was glaring at me pointedly. I shrugged sheepishly.

"Come _on_, Lil. We need to get going." I looked over and saw the time. We really did need to get going—especially after Potter's stupid and incredibly inconvenient stroke of genius.

I wish I could say that I meant that last word sarcastically—and I maintain that the boy is an absolute idiot—but really it was rather clever of him to find the one loophole of our plan.

That didn't mean he wasn't a moron for telling everyone though. Damn braggart.

"Yeah, that er... thing. Right!" My face flushed and from the corner of my eye I could see our partner in crime, Jacob, flinch at my horrible improvising skills.

Potter looked immediately suspicious.

"What thing?"

"Potions!" I could kiss Jacob, I really could. Potter hated potions and his eyes immediately glazed over. I almost sighed in relief before another look flashed across his face. He turned to glare at Jacob. Jealousy. Joy.

"Wait a minute, why do _you _know?" Oh, lord. He was sneering now. Quite unattractive, really.

"Seriously, Potter? You don't _know_?" Potter's face was becoming contorted in what I imagine was rage. "Ours is a secret relationship, I suppose. Though I thought everyone knew I was in love... " Potter was now red as well. Mary and I exchanged a look of exasperation before glaring at Jacob. Normally I was all for provoking Potter, really I would be right there laughing at his expense, but now was _not_ the time.

Right when it seemed that the whole thing would blow up horribly (Potter being the "thing", obviously) Jacob saved us (from his own provocation though, so it's not like he's even a hero really.)

"... with Mary. Have been since the day I was born." Jacob placed his hand dramatically to his heart and began to stare longingly at Mary who could only roll her eyes in response. Potter let out a small grin of relief.

That _bastard_!

How dare he be relieved! What business of his was it who I dated? Still, that's no excuse. I really shouldn't have...

"And here I was just hoping it would be me. Alas, I suppose I shall have to suffer the burn of a love unrequited." Mary actually groaned, Jacob just gaped at me, and Potter looked horrified. Looked like he was going to cry really; if it hadn't been such a poor move on my part, I would have joined him in crying, though mine would be from laughter rather than what he probably thought was heart break.

"She is kidding, you guys! Ha! Funny. Lily's a poor joke that's all...",

"I didn't say I could only love one person", and

"You're just teasing me, yeah? Pulling my leg? Though if you weren't I suppose it's only fair that _you_ would suffer unrequited love. I mean..." Potter's response had gone on for the longest so even though they'd spoken at once we all heard most of what he's said. We all threw him varying looks of disgust. The boy at least had the decency to look guilty.

"Not that I would ever wish you pain... erm... Hey, wait! What was that you said, Jake?"

Jacob grinned. This time it was my turn to groan. At this rate, we would never leave on time. Potter was just too easy to rile up. And, then I had my own little stroke of genius, or so I'd thought. I walked right up to Potter (we had gained considerable distance from one another, because I'm _not_ a masochist). I feel it's necessary to defend myself, because at this point I was really quite annoyed; the night was not at all going as planned. First Potter idiotically ruined our plans by pointing out the _one_ loophole, and now? Now, we would never be able to actually leave so as to fix it. Desperate times, desperate measures and all that.

Oh, hell. I still shouldn't have done it.

He seemed surprised at how close I came to him. He even stopped glaring at Jacob. I suppose he should have been. Surprised, I mean. I _never _willingly get this close.

"Right then. Hey, Lil." Was the idiot really pretending we had just met for a friendly jaunt in the hall? I looked up to the ceiling and prayed a little bit for guidance. I'm not usually the praying sort, but I'm sure Merlin helps girls who have to deal with the devil incarnate, right?

"Listen. We have to go. We're going to go er, and do our Potions assignment and..." Great. What now? I had thought that the proximity would do him over and he wouldn't be listening but he appeared to be rapt to every single word I articulated. Fuck.

"And... er..." It was _him_ that was supposed to be getting all hot and bothered, not me! I mean, not that I was hot and bothered, I was just flustered... because he's stupid... and er, his hair is like a really distracting bush or something. I _really _wasn't hot and bothered, alright? We're clear on that? Good.

"Could you..er... maybe watch my cloak while we go down? Probably won't be long." Jacob sent me a look behind Potter's back."Or, you know. Could be up late. Difficult project. Real hard. Er.. and I don't want to fail or something."

I hadn't needed to clarify how long we'd be gone—he had obviously stopped paying attention the second I'd given him my cloak because he was holding it tightly as if it were some sacred artifact. Though knowing Potter if it _were _some sacred artifact it would be broken and lying in pieces on the floor already. Geez, good thing my cloak's not fragile. Not that he looked close to dropping the thing anytime soon. He gazed at me in awe, finally shifting his eyes away from the black piece of cloth in his hands.

"You want me to keep this _all_ night?"

"I didn't say that, you stupid twit." He wasn't paying attention, again. Whatever. As long as he wasn't questioning why I had given him my cloak. I mean, how weird! Why on earth would I need someone to watch a cloak for me?

But, now, of course, blessed with that wonderful thing called hindsight, I _know_ I should have never given him that stupid cloak. I should have just wished Jacob and Mary goodnight, told them to carry on without me and never, ever, _ever, _have given Potter my cloak.

Oh, well. It didn't turn out really as bad as all that. Though I still probably shouldn't have done it, it really wasn't _that _bad. I don't think.


	2. Lily's Logic Leeching Power

-James' Perspective-

"It couldn't possibly be Craigs. He's out for a broken hand, remember? And it was his right hand, so he wouldn't be able to write even if he managed to sneak out of the hospital wing. Besides, he's sort of...not the sharpest, yeah?"

People smiled at me, seemingly to appreciate that I'd been able to come up with that on my own. Normally I'd have reveled it it, but instead I sought out bright green eyes. They flashed at me in annoyance before being covered almost immediately as she closed her eyes. I knew she was trying to keep her face impassive, but I could still tell she was pissed at me. I sighed. She was _always_ gettingmad at me. Oh, well. As long as it put a stop to this stupid rivalry. Jake was glaring at me rather unabashedly—why Lily ever thought it would be a good move to include that oaf, I've no idea. He's not the best at subtlety. I walked over to Lily and put on my most charming smile. As if sensing my presence she scowled.

"Are you alright?"

She didn't respond, though a small huff escaped and blew up some of the fringe from her forehead. I knew why she was mad, but I couldn't help but provoke her slightly. She's so cute when she's angry.

"Are you actually angry I did something right?" Still silence. She was getting better at ignoring my taunts. Not _that _good though. "Ohhhh, I get it. You wish you had been the one to come up with it."

I saw her hand flying toward my face, but before I even fully flinched Mary's hand saved me. It grabbed her hand which she then used to smoothly pull Lily to her feet. They made eye contact, seeming to relay a sort of silent conversation. Lily shrugged.

"Come _on_, Lil. We need to get going." Her eyes flitted towards the clock and mine followed. I didn't catch the significance. It's not like they were still planning on doing anything. They couldn't be. Their plan was horribly flawed and Lily would... they _all _would get into trouble.

"Yeah, that er... thing. Right!" She blushed prettily and I could see Jacob flinch from her overt lack of subtlety. It seemed to run in the group, and made me _really _want to shake them both. I mean, really only Mary was able to hold her own in this prank-business. Lily was certainly clever enough—_more_ than clever enough, but she lacked the proper killer instinct. Or really any skill at lying. At all. Why they ever thought they could pull off a stunt like this was beyond me..

I rose my eyebrow. Wait. Not-so-secret looks and shifty eyes...were they_ really _going on with this?

"What 'thing'?"

"Potions!" I could kill Jacob, I really could. For a moment he had me, and I really did want to believe they were going to do potions. But, then I saw the look Lily threw him (it was much better than the ones she ever sent my way, that's for sure) and threw an icy glare to Jacob.

"Wait a minute, why do _you _know?" I felt my mouth tug down into a slight sneer. I really couldn't help it, couldn't she have just brought along Mary? Was there something I didn't know between her a Jacob? And why was this idiot helping get Lily in trouble anyway? This whole thing was probably _his _fault.

"Seriously, Potter? You don't _know_?" I threw him my dirtiest look."Ours is a secret relationship, I suppose. Though I thought everyone knew I was in love... " I was really seconds away from wiping that smirk off his face, my hand curled into a fist, though part of me ached to grab my wand. Unfortunately, Jacob saved himself from my wrath at the last possible minute. I'll admit it, I was being unreasonable, but with Lily I hardly ever am. Reasonable, that is.

"... with Mary. Have been since the day I was born." Jacob placed his hand dramatically to his heart and began to stare longingly at Mary who rolled her eyes in response. Even hating someone doesn't make you _entirely _immune to their charm. Not that Jacob had charm—but, hey, I can appreciate a bit of cheek when I see it. I smiled at his teasing.

"And here I was just hoping it would be me. Alas, I suppose I shall have to suffer the burn of a love unrequited." I heard Mary groan and saw the stupid smirk Jacob wore fall into a wordless gape. _What_! She was joking, surely...

"You're just teasing me, yeah? Pulling my leg? Though if you weren't I suppose it's only fair that _you_ would suffer unrequited love. I mean..."

"She is kidding, you guys! Ha! Funny. Lily's a poor joke that's all...",

"I didn't say I could only love one person"

Unfortunately my response went on the longest, and I had spoken before I could hear Mary. As a result they all heard most of what I said and threw me varying looks of disgust. Once again, I knew I'd gone a bit far. But, honestly, if she was joking couldn't I have been? I mean really, obviously I'd never wish her harm I just wanted to make light of an awkward situation. I rushed to explain,

"Not that I would ever wish you pain... erm..." Suddenly my mind processed what the loony lover-boy had said, "Hey, wait! What was that you said, Jake?"

Jacob had the gall to grin at me. And I heard Lily groan. I had to hold back a smile of my own At this rate, they would never leave on time. I hadn't even meant to and here I was, distracting them beautifully. Sometimes I'm a genius...

But, there are some things I have no immunity to. Every superman has his kryptonite and what not, yeah?*

And, at that moment mine had her _own_ little stroke of genius. I'd barely noticed her walking toward me (we had somehow managed to gain considerable distance from one another, despite me trying to keep near). I was surprised at how close she was and forgot to even be mad at Jacob. How could I not? At this proximity I could _actually _smell her hair! I grinned without even realizing and tried to say something, _anything_, to keep her there. Sadly, I'm not very articulate. Lack of logic when Lily's around and all that. Lily's Logic Leeching Power? Yes! That sounds mean, if not very accurate.

"Right then. Hey, Lil." Am I really that dumb? Oh, Merlin. Just avada kedavra me and get it over with. She didn't walk away, but she did stare up at the ceiling, which is something my mum and all the professors do when they don't know what to do with me. Not good.

"Listen. We have to go. We're going to go er, and do our Potions assignment and..." I stared at her lips and how they were moving, fuck! I needed to listen. Listen, right. Potions. Potions? Were we still on that lie? I thought we'd decided it was a bad one? Was that just me? Right, listening.

"And... er..." She was adorable stumbling around and part of me was cheering that it could me my handsome self that was causing her to become tongue-tied. She'd done it to me plenty enough. James' Logic Leeching power doesn't sound nearly as poetic, but who knows? It could be a thing. I grinned stupidly at her.

"Could you..er... maybe watch my cloak while we go down? Probably won't be long. Or, you know. Could be up late. Difficult project. Real hard. Er.. and I don't want to fail or something."

She had given me her cloak. For a moment I simply reveled in holding something of hers. That she'd given me _willingly_. It probably smelled like her, not that I was going to test out that theory _here_. I'm not that creepy. Anyway, this probably meant something right? This was a test to see if I could keep it safe? I shook my head slightly. It was a fucking cloak. She was probably just trying to distract me, and I was ashamed to admit it was working. Suddenly an idea popped into my head.

"You want me to keep this _all_ night?"

"I didn't say that, you stupid twit." I hardly processed that she'd insulted me. She had done it often enough anyway, it was starting to become endearing. Stupid was like handsome and twit could be... er... hunk? Yeah, hunk. Anyway, Lily had just unknowingly plopped into my hands the answer to my prayers. Now I could stop her from getting in trouble without stopping her prank. Nobody would suspect Mary or Jacob (and who care's if Jacob got in trouble anyway, that arse).

It was only a cloak, yeah. But it was so much more than that. It was an opportunity to prove myself.


	3. Some Explaining To Do

Hello, all (if any are reading this). Reviews are much appreciated!

And a special thank you to monkeymail! Your review made me decide to update today :]

I don't have a beta or anything, so please feel free to tell me any grammatical or typo errors.

Thanks again! Hope you like it.

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><p>"And the more she ignores me<br>The more I adore her  
>What can I do?<br>I'd do anything for her"

Click-5, Just the Girl

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><p>1 Week Earlier<p>

I was going to _kill _him. No, not Potter if that's what you're thinking. Though, I suppose now that you mention it...

No, Lily, focus. Okay. So where was I? Oh, yeah. Murder.

"Lily what happened?"

"I'm going to _murder_ him."

"Who, Potter?" See! Just because I hate Potter doesn't mean he's my only "he". Geez, let a girl have more than one murder victim, please.

"No. Well, maybe. But, that's not who I'm talking about." Mary was glaring at me behind her rather long lashes and I tried to take a deep breath. I'd be mad too if _she_ were the one spluttering out useless nonsense about killing nameless boys. Really, I could be talking about anyone. I had so many enemies these days.

"Sirius?"

"Not him either."

"Not me, what?" Startled, I looked up into the gray eyes of a one Sirius Black who had somehow managed to situate himself on the arm of the couch that I was currently sitting on. Apparently that had been a greeting not a guess on Mary's part. She was looking at me rather amused and the idiot-boy was smiling down at me. I did a quick cursory glance for his other half, who thankfully appeared to be missing.

Remus, though, was slouched down next to him. I tried to give him a somewhat sincere smile. Out of all of the Marauders he was probably the least kill-worthy and so normally a smile wouldn't be difficult, but I was still in a sour mood. Regardless of if he noticed my lack-luster attempt, he still grinned back at me.

"We're discussing who Lily is planning an early demise for." Sirius threw me a pout.

"And I didn't make it?" I threw him my most dazzling smile.

"Oh, you're on there somewhere."

Remus laughed, "I'm sure he is."

"Alright, then. Enough of that. Who is it?"

I opened my mouth to respond, to Mary but then saw my nemesis sticking his stupid mop of hair out from the portrait hole and shut my lips tightly, shaking my head. No way was I telling Potter anything of my problems. He was always trying to be my knight in armor, the arse. Mary, Sirius and Remus all looked to where I was staring. Peter had just joined Potter and they looked as though they were headed over here. Mary groaned and Sirius looked confused.

"You don't want Peter to know?"I glared at Sirius, he of all people—the Sancho Panza to my own personal deluded Don Quixote—should know why I was keeping quiet. Remus realized the problem.

"It's James. You know he tends to over react about these things."  
>"What? It's probably just some girl who stole her pen or..." I shook my head. Sirius sighed, seeming to concede the point.<p>

"Fine. I'll distract lover-boy. You tell me what happened." I looked at him in surprise. Why did Sirius even care? Remus even looked slightly confused for a moment before his expression changed into a mask of indifference, he shrugged and then looked at me as if asking if it were all right. I hesitated.

What would Sirius do with the information? He didn't seem the sort to avenge me and why would he be distracting James if he were only going to tell him? I nodded to show that I didn't care. Just get him out of here, I tried to say with my eyes. My eyes probably said nothing short of "I'm green!" but Sirius understood anyway and turned around to steer off the monster headed my way.

"Lily-flower!"

Too late.

"Potter."

"Dearest, are we really back to formalities?"

I hated when he was like this. Usually he was at least slightly bearable, but every once in a while he became ridiculously flirty. I used to figure it meant he was in a good mood, but Mary assured me it was the opposite, and weirdly enough it did seem to correlate with his off-days (bad quidditch practice, terrible amounts of homework, detentions, guys asking me out—that last one seems a bit vain, but I swear it's true. As much as I hate the bugger he seems to like me... or at least thinks he owns me. How romantic.).

So, anyway, I knew he must have been having a crappy day if he was pulling out the "dearest". I decided to flirt back a little, just to make Sirius' job easier. In my experience happy James is much more simple in dealing with, though that might be because he usually doesn't flirt with me. Yeah, non-flirty James is much better.

"Oh, darling, did I? I meant James," I tried to say his name in the most sultry way possible, but by their expressions (Remus looked amused, Sirius aghast, Mary shocked and James simply gaped at me) I probably missed the mark. Suddenly Potter was smiling like an idiot and sitting where Sirius' bum had occupied a few moments before. Ugh, not a good image. Bad, Lily. Bad. Potter laughed and was now looking at me expectantly.

"Hmmm?"  
>"I said, how are things?"<p>

What was this? Why was he being civil? I looked around in a panic to see that Mary wasn't even paying attention, Remus looked annoyingly pleased and Sirius amused.

"Erm.. good. Peachy, really. Real real peachy."

"Peachy, hmm? Well, I heard you had a hard day in Herbology..." He said it as though it were a question and I'm sure my wide eyes betrayed me. I threw a "help me" look at Sirius, as if to tell him "this is what I wanted to avoid". If earlier I had managed anything with my eyes as a communication device I'd apparently lost the ability. Sirius simply shrugged. Mary, bless her, sensed my distress and stopped picking at her nails for long enough to throw me a rope.

"Oy! Sirius, what was that one thing you were going on about showing Potter?"

"What thing?" She glared at him and he seemed to melt back a little. "Oh, you mean...hey! That's not a thing! It's a masterpiece." I grudgingly admired his ability to improvise. I like to think I could do as well.

"What masterpiece?" Consider him hooked.

"Oh," Sirius made a show of looking around, "I have to _show _you."

"Why does Mary know?"

"She ran into him while we were working on it. No worries, she promised not to spill. Right?" Remus prompted and Mary nodded obediently.

Even though I knew that there was no thing, I couldn't help but be caught up in their banter. Peter looked about ready to squeal, and despite Potter's feigned indifference I could tell he was dying to know. He looked back at me and faltered,

"I, er..."  
>"Go!" Perhaps I was too forceful. The eyebrows that were raised at me could have stacked to the ceiling. "Erm, I mean. You should hang out with Sirius, we'll catch up later." His hazel eyes lit up.<p>

"Yeah! Yeah? I mean.. er... cool. Good. Later, will talk. Later. We'll you know, exchange words and what not... talk. Yeah. You and me. Me and you. We will. Talk." What the hell... geez, you give a guy and inch and he tries to run a mile. "It's a date... I mean. Ha! Not a date, a talking..." Sirius began to drag him away and Peter followed snickering.

I began my story...


	4. The Proverbial Pranking Pool

"And the fog of what is right  
>Won't cover us cause you know me<br>I could not give up a fight..."

- Blind Pilot, Three Rounds and a Sound

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><p>"He <em>what<em>!"

"He called her a... you know," Sirius looked decidedly uncomfortable and I suddenly remembered that his mom had used that word a lot. It probably reminded him of all of that pure-blood nonsense.

"That's all?"

I turned ready to give Peter some sort of disfigurement, but Remus broke in.

"He just means, she probably gets called that a lot...I know James, that doesn't mean it's okay. I of all people understand what its like to be discriminated against..." I shook my head sadly. I really hated people sometimes. "All Peter meant was that, why now is she deciding to act out if Slytherins have been whispering it behind her back forever?"

I glared at those hypothetical insults, and they probably weren't all that hypothetical. The whole house deserved to be... I dunno killed by a mysterious fire or something.

"Anyway, to answer your question Peter, Craigs decided to erm.. show her he really meant it."

"_What?_" Even I could tell my voice was dangerously low. Not to steal Lily's mantra, but I was going to _murder_ him.

"James, before I go on I need you to promise me you'll hear me out... the whole story, before you run off to exact revenge."

"What! You want me to do nothing! How could you ask me that? You..."

"Calm down, Prongs. He just means that you need to know all the facts, that doesn't mean you can't do anything. Just wait."

I scowled. But if Sirius, the king of not thinking before pranks, told me to wait, I would damn well wait. I nodded to tell them to go on.

"What is it with you and Evans and nodding? Merlin's sake. We're not your manservants!" I grinned at him. Lily and me... alright, he said Evans. Still, it sounded nice.

"Alright. Go, on."

"Well, what did you hear?"

"Just that Craigs had insulted her. Nobody told me he'd called her... a... a mudblood."

We were all silent a few moments before Remus continued. The word had gotten even worse with the rise of Voldemort, now tainted with threats of death and evil. It made me feel sick even saying it.

"So, they were in Herbology, and you know there's a lot of dirt and... well, mud..."

"Stop." I didn't want to hear this I couldn't.

Sirius was glaring at me.

"I told you to hear it _all_. I didn't say you wouldn't want to because of wanting to run off and play knight. Maybe you don't want to, but you are going to."

I swallowed. Of course I needed to know. I nodded and then at Sirius' snort mumbled, "Go on."

"Well, he sort of hired a bunch of first years to throw mud at her as she left the class. And, after she had fallen...kicked her."

I breathed in and out.

"Did I say murder? I hope you didn't take that to mean cleanly. No, this was going to be brutal and bloodly and..."

"Hey! Stop with the weird serial killer vibes. I told you "all", you moron! All of the details. Now are you going to keep listening?"

Well-chastised I looked down and silently nodded. Sirius continued this time, having decided Remus was going too slowly.

"As Moony was taking years to get to, he was being a total bitch to Evans and of course put all the dirty work, excuse my pun, onto the first years so they got into trouble and Evans couldn't really retaliate, 'cuz they're tiny and stuff. So she tells him, 'I'll get you back' and he's all laughing, because really the fucking prick is kind of untouchable." I snorted. "Not, by you Prongs of course. But, come on. He's rumored to be a death-eater and has like a thousand cronies. Anyway what he doesn't account for is your girlfriend to not be fully sane and she really _does_ have an insane payback scheme."

"Really?" I felt a swell of pride before a feeling of slight dread drop over me. "But she basically just announced she was going to prank him. That makes it a bit difficult. He'll be all on edge... is her plan really good, then?" They shook their heads, looking as distressed as I felt. Fuck. Lily and pranks do _not _mix.

Last year my lovely red-headed beauty tried to prank me. Granted, that's not easy as it is, I'm not being conceited when I say I'm a bit of a prank master. Plus I have wonderful pals who watch my back. Needless to say her plan failed terrifically. The charmed pens part, which were meant to write on all of my papers "James Potter needs to leave Lily Evans alone" worked beautifully—she was a master charmer, that one, and I mean it in both ways. But she never accounted for Peeves. It worked well enough for my first couple of classes, and I was properly impressed, she effectively ruined all of my notes.

But, she became a little too ambitious and apparently also had set up a bucket of green paint to fall on my head as I left my last class—as I always leave early for quidditch (lo and behold _McGonagall has a soft spot) it would have normally worked perfectly._

She hadn't accounted for the noise in the hall and Professor _McGonagall_ leaving even earlier than me to check it out. She hadn't accounted for Peeves. Who also happened to be putting old food into that paint bucket.

Now normally, if for whatever reason I, Sirius, Remus or even Peter had not accounted for Peeves than we would still know how to recover. It's called a scape-goat, and Peeves is the ideal target. She'd already seen him messing around with the paint, hell, Lily wouldn't have even needed to say anything! She was probably the last person any professor would suspect. Unfortunately the good-intentioned fool went and tried to stop _McGonagall from leaving. She shouted, "NO!" as the paint and old fish and fruit went and fell on our dear professors' head. Even though the whole class was laughing, Lily just looked mortified. She confessed almost immediately and since McGonagall had already known about the pens, though she had decided to ignore it, she threw it right on in the punishment quota and dear sweet Lily got a month of detention. A month. I haven't got a month since fifth year. It's called not getting caught. McGonagall was not feeling very gracious at the time._

_ And now she was dipping her toes back into the pranking pool._

_ Merlin, help me._


	5. The Logic Defying Master Plan

A/N: More Lily/James Interaction in the next chapter I promise. Okay. So this and the last two chapters all happened before the first ones. I'm building up to that moment. And will then explain what the whole deal with the cloak. Hope that clears things up.

Thanks so much for those who are reading and please review if you can! (Special shout out to monkeymail :] )

Also sorry this took so long. I'll try to update more often!

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><p>Alright, so I wasn't exactly amazing at pranks. But, they did <em>not <em>need to all start shouting at me. As soon as Potter had left I told them all about stupid Craigs and his stupid first-years. Well, really it's probably not _their_ fault. Some of them were darn right cute, really. I'm sure he black-mailed them into doing it. Little kids like that can't be so hateful. Or... that's what I'm going with anyway. I refuse to believe otherwise.

So , then, right after finally convincing Remus to not let Sirius hurt the darling little buggers I got to the threat part.

Despite being covered in mud I like to think it had been very dramatic. Probably there was even some lightening and thunder going off behind me. It was ominous, really. I expected Remus and Mary to be staring at me, their eyes widened with awe and respect. Hell, maybe even a little bit of fear. Fear of how brave and genius I am. Instead they started shouting.

"Lily! No!"

"What! Please say you're exaggerating! Prongs is going to kill you after he finishes off Craigs!"

"You said you wouldn't tell _him_!" I reminded Remus accusingly. He looked a bit sheepish and mumbled something about meaning Sirius. I then proceeded to tell him that Sirius wasn't allowed to do any of those things either.

"Fine... But, no. Lily. Don't do this. You know we are all well-managed at pranks and if you would just..."

"NO!"

"Lily, maybe just hear him out, alright? Remember the paint bit you did? With McGonagal? You are seriously bad at lying and you confessed almost immediately!"

"I won't this time..." They both looked at me doubtfully.

"Listen. Getting detention is probably the _least _of your worries. Think of what Craigs will do to you. You fairly just told him that whatever next befalls him he can thank you for it."

Remus had a point. Frick. But, what can I say? Dramatics are my weakness. Besides I had my pride to contend with. I couldn't very well have just started sobbing could I? I _had_ to do something. Okay, okay. Confession: I did cry. Quite a lot really, after the ordeal and before my cold anger had sunken in. But I wasn't about to tell this lot that. Mary probably already figured anyway.

"What? So you want me to do nothing? Just lay over and take it, shall I?" I managed a fair bit of venom in my glare and Remus visibly wilted.

"No! I would have you let us take care of it."

"Wouldn't he still think it was Lily, though?" Mary was actually looking a bit worried for me, Merlin bless her. They were really too paranoid.

"Not if it was obviously from the Maruaders. We're good at escaping authority, I think we can handle getting caught. He'll know it was for Lily, but there's no escaping that danger. And, anyway, if we all confess, he'll likely just retaliate by zoning in on James during quidditch or something." The thought made my stomach lurch uncomfortably. Not for Potter's safety of course, but because of... heights. Heights. Yeah-what of it? They make me nauseous, okay?

Alright, fine, maybe a little bit was for Ja..Potter. But who wouldn't feel guilty having someone who was helping them get hurt? That's pretty heartless. And it was only a bit of mud, James could break his neck! Besides, this was _my_ problem. I didn't need his... or any of their help. And, hey! We weren't telling him! Why did Remus keep forgetting that part of the plan! A very large part of me was regretting telling any of the marauders anything.

"Hey, you guys if you're worried because of my plan then let me just assure you right now: it is a spectacular plan." Mary had the grace to look curious and hopeful, Remus meanwhile threw me a slightly pitying glance. I glared at him. "Want to hear it or not?"

Remus shook his head, but Mary over took him.

"Stop being such an arse hole. It might be really good. Go on, Lily tell us." Aww, what are best mates for? For being wonderful that's what.

"Fine. Enlighten us."

I threw him another (hopefully) withering glare and did just that. Told them, I mean.

"Well, you know how there are rumors about him being a death-eater?" Remus finally started to look curious despite his morose attempt at pouting.

"You'll go to Dumbledore? That's not half-bad, actually. I bet you could get him to protect you...?"

I threw him a disgusted look and Mary frowned at him.

"That's not a prank, Remus!" The marauders are prank kings, my arse. He doesn't even know what a prank is! Mary nodded as if to say, "Yeah, you idiot."

"Well..."

"No, you idiot! That's not her plan! Now, really!" I am quite good at reading Mary's nods, if I do say so myself. I smiled to show my thanks and continued. Remus looked more upset than ever. Ugh. Stupid boys.

"So, as I was saying, we can do much better than getting just me protected."

"How?"

"By getting Craigs suspended. Or even better, expelled."

"How!" This time it was Remus and I grinned widely.

"Frame him for a prank that involves illegal activites." I threw in a wink to show them how sneaky and diabolical I was. Complete the image, you know.

Remus looked positively alarmed.

"WHAT?"

Mary, on the other hand was gleeful. She ignored Remus, and I decided to join her in that endeavor, thinking it was the only way we were going to get through my plan at all. The boy, kind as he was, was seriously weighing us down with all his stupid interruptions.

"Oh, wicked! What is it then?"

"Posters."

"Posters! What do you mean posters? That's..."

"Brilliant! What kind of posters?"

I winked at her. Remus groaned.

"No. No. No, NO!"

"Well, why not? You don't even know the details," Mary reasoned.

"I don't _need _to know the details. Lily, forget what I said about Craigs getting you back." I already had, I mean, he couldn't hurt me if he was expelled. And, well, that was kind of the plan. Expulsion and all that. "Well... I mean, don't forget it, he still could hurt you. And will if this works. But it probably won't and you'll end up expelled instead!"

Mary and I huffed at him.

"Why because she's a girl?" Remus rolled his eyes.

"Yes. I think since Lily is a girl she must be bad at lying. All girls are horrible liars. When a girl tells me something I always know its the absolute truth because..."

"Alright, alright. It's not because I'm a girl. Mary's just a bit pumped on feminsim, that's all. But still, think better of me than that, Remus. I won't get caught. Promise"

"I, for one, believe her. 100%. I'm in, if you'll have me." Jacob McKinnon, a handsome and very tall seventh year, stood close to me, where Potter had suddenly appeared earlier. I really needed to be more observant. These boys were giving me mini heart attacks.

Remus shot him a warning look.

"Jacob..."

"What? I agree with Mary, I think the whole thing is wicked. And I'm in."

"Your Marlene's brother, right?" I asked, thinking of my dorm-mate. She was always a good laugh, and would often eat meals with Mary and I in the common room. Although I knew that she often complained of Jacob, I also knew she loved him fiercely and would try to casually brag about how he was probably going to work for the Daily Prophet when he graduated. Also, did I mention he was quite fit? I smiled up at him.

"You're in!"

"Lily!" Remus was pouting again, poor boy.

"What?"

"I'm all for it, your sister is a cool bean."

I threw Mary an odd look, well deserved for such a weird compliment and even Jacob looked thrown.

"Er... thanks. Is she gonna be a part?' I considered it momentarily. Marlene would definitely join us. She was very pro-Muggle and half-bloods. She'd started up at least half-a-zillion such clubs trying to further muggle-born rights and was already being harassed for being a blood-traitor. I shook my head.

"She'd probably be number one suspect if they find out it was a set-up."

"When..." Remus corrected under his breath.

Jacob nodded at me (we both ignored Remus) looking somewhat relieved and I wondered if he had joined partially on her behalf. Hoping one McKinnon would be enough. Marlene was already serving a two-month detention after having badly jinxed a boy who had been bullying a muggle-born first year.

She had a lot on her plate already. I'd let her in on the next one.

"Why not have the whole common room join in? If Jake here heard you, I'm sure they all would have!"

"Remmy, calm down. I set up a hearing charm as soon as I realized what I was eavesdropping on." I blushed slightly, at not having thought of that. At least I picked a good person for my team. Or, had him pick me, I guess. Whatever.

"Oh, thanks." He grinned back at me. Remus took the opportunity to explode.

"See! You couldn't even remember to put up a silencing charm, how do you expect to pull this off?"

"Like you remembered, Mr. Prank Master?" I shot back.

"Maybe I just knew it didn't matter, because you are _not_ doing this."

"I am too!"

"Lily..." He was pleading with me now. But I couldn't back down. Somehow I knew that Sirius would likewise (as soon as Remus filled him in) attempt to stop me, but consoled myself that Remus would probably be the hardest to resist. Sirius, although he had charm, did not reserve that for me, or likewise any of the people he considered mates (not that he and I were mates). I'd seen him yelling at James and the others more times than I could count. Oh, no, Black's idea of persuasion was definitely more of a "You can't do it if you're dead!" kind of deal.

Jacob was grinning at me still and Mary's eyes were bright with mischief. Remus simply looked resigned at having failed to convince me. He threw us all a very motherly disappointed look, shaking his head lowly with his sandy hair flopping around, and then mumbled something about catching up with the boys. We wished him farewell but continued to simply exchange glanced amongst ourselves, stupidly happy about having decided to do a prank.

Looking around at my partners-in-crime I felt confident we could pull this off. Glad that Remus hadn't somehow gotten me to let him and the others do all of the work. To take the blame. And, although I'd never admit it aloud, I was beyond relieved that we had all decided not to tell James. He, without a doubt, would have been nearly impossible to contend with. Hell, the boy had almost convinced me to date him a few times. And _this_ argument would have logic on it's side.

Because, you see, _logically_ I knew that this prank was dangerous. Logically. But, sometimes things defy logic.


	6. Lames, Licking, and Lupkin

**_A/N: Okay, gang, ignoring for the moment that I just called you my gang I have a couple things to clear up/say. _**

**_1. For the second chapter I put an * next to the superman reference and then forgot to actually put a key thingy. If I were unlazy/smart enough to go fix it that key would ask you all to forgive/indulge me because I figure superman is probably a really muggle thing to reference. Also, speaking of superman, anyone watch Starkid's new Bman musical? I love Brian Holden so much. Okay, done here._**

**_2. I wanted to gi_****_ve a super special thanks to my very own third review: Abarraine, you wonderful reviewer you! Especially because I feel bad for posting this chapter so soon after your critique... not that this chapter is really slow per se, just that it's not exactly action/lust packed. It's a _bit_ indulgent because I love writing Sirius. _**

**_Gah. More romance and dramatics will be coming soon and I do end on a fairly ominous note-so I hope that's something, right? _****_Above all, I just hope my writing is somewhat amusing or at least not terrible._**

**_Anwywho- thanks so much for reading, whoever is still reading. I like you all. Probably. THANKS! _**

**_And please review even if it's just to say 'yo' or, hell, even 'ho'. Fo' sho'... ahem... OKAY, _really_ done here. Sorry._**

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><p>Try a little lie, with a sunny smile and a witty eye<p>

And you may find a smile in kind... and a little air between your lips and I.

-BC Camplight, Blood and Peanutbutter

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><p>"Lames!"<p>

"What?" I yawed, feeling somewhat groggy. Last night had been rather rough. I'd tried desperately to think of a plan to make sure Lily stayed out of trouble and so far... nothing. Somewhat resigned to my failure, I started spreading butter onto my toast. Lots of butter. Hey, if it makes you feel better, right?

" That's yours and Lily's couple name."

I looked up into Sirius' gray eyes, momentarily thrown.

"A couple name? What's that?"

"It's like, when you two get together and I'm thinking. I just want to hang out with my good old pal Prongs... er I mean, James. I almost ruined it for a bit, doesn't work with Prongs, see?"

I didn't, but I shrugged and stuffed the butter laden toast into my mouth.

"So anyway I think, 'I want to hang with my old buddy. But he's over with not-really-my-buddy Evans, fuck I mean Lily... so I'm thinking, bah. Better make sure to invite them both. See, now?"

This time I didn't even bother pretending to see and merely shook my head. Peter bit back a laugh, and I could tell Sirius had already explained the concept to him.

"So how do I write for the bird to go to _both _of you?"

"Since when do you always invite your mates' girlfriends along? I feel like I was jipped." Marlene settled down next to Remus. I did my usual look for Lily, and tried no to be too disappointed not to see her.

"Calm it, McKinnon. Lames will be married by then."

"Lames!" The ridiculous name seemed to have finally registered. That was a horrible couple's name! Not that we needed one, but really...

"Yeah, clever, isn't it?"

"No! All you did was put an L in front of my name!"

"So you prefer Limes, eh? I thought it sounded a bit fruity myself."

"That still doesn't make sense anyway. Why can't you just write down both names?"

"Because... this way is quicker."

"You can just tell your owl where to go! You don't need to write _either_ of our names down. And what, are we living together?" Sirius nodded. "Where are you writing this name down, even?"

"I would write one letter to both of you. The letter would start out, 'Dear Lames, blah blah blah. Now you get it?"

"Who's Lames, then?" Lily sat down next to Marlene and across from Mary who had pulled in beside me.

"Lames is yours and James' couple name!" I braced myself for certain onslaught.

"That's stupid. That would _not _be our couple's name."

Everyone was silent and even Lily looked surprised at what she'd said.

"Not that we'd have a couple's name. Bleh. Couple's name. Yeah, right."

Still silence. I was grinning toothily at her. Seeing my expression she once again seemed to realize she hadn't cleared up anything at all. Except, I suppose, that she was opposed to couple's names.

"Not that we would be an …er, couple. Nope. Not us. We... are not even a we. Potter and I. We are just... mates. Yep. Mates. Right, Potter? Mates."

Probably because of the fact that she had just said mates too many times I couldn't help but notice she considered me, her once sworn enemy, a mate. I grinned even wider.

"Yep. That's us, Lily. Mates."

"Evans," She reminded me coolly, looking suddenly irked.

"Mates call each other by their first names," I pointed out.

"Not true. Lots of people call each other by last names."

"Not mates."

"Yes, mates."

"Like who?" I felt like we were doing that stupid cookie jar song.

She looked around desperately, presumably to find an example, before turning back to smirk at me.

"It's better than Prongs and Mooney and all that nonsense."

"Hey! Those are cool nicknames."

"Mmhmmm, yeah. Real neat." She shot back.

"You're just jealous. Oy, do you want a nickname?" Sirius asked, flashing her his most disarming smile.

She fluttered her eyelashes and leaned into the table toward him (and, so, also toward me). I couldn't help but notice how that...er... emphasized certain assets of hers. I gulped. Sirius, meanwhile, remained perfectly smooth.

"Pretty please with cherries on tops? A nickname would just be like, the most wonderful thing a girl could get, you know?" I knew she was just playing at it, but I found myself annoyed at how much this resembled her flirting with my best mate. Sirius, either ignoring or unaware of my reaction, leaned down as well, beckoning her to come closer.

Mary rolled her eyes, Marlene snickered and Remus shook his head. Peter stared at me, seemingly the only one to notice how tightly I was grinding my teeth.

"Licks," I heard him whisper.

"What?" Lily's confusion mirrored the entire groups' until she sprang back as though she had been...

"You _licked_ my ear!"

I couldn't help it, the idiot was not helping me win any points here, but... I joined the others in laughing. Lily looked furious, but I could see her fighting a small grin.

"Why on earth would you lick me?" Sirius waggled his eyebrows in response. "You dog."

He barked back at her, and this time she actually laughed. I stopped for a moment, reveling in Sirius getting along with her so well, even if it was a little too flirtatious for my taste. Sometimes she came off as being aloof, but I knew she wasn't, not really. I'd seen her laughing with her friends a lot. Come to think of it, she was only _really_ ever cold around us marauders. Not anymore though. I grinned at her sincerely and her green eyes registered mine with surprise before she looked away. She bit her lip, unconsciously drawing my eye, and I wondered what it would be like to finally kiss her.

"Lily-flower!"

Hey! That was my nickname! I looked up to see Jacob swooping upon our group and was only slightly gratified to see she had neither the violent reaction she used to get when I first came up with using _my _nickname back in third-year, nor the fighting-back-a-smile one she usually gave me now-a-days.

It suddenly hit me—we really were becoming mates! Weird. I must not have noticed, what with her still yelling at me all of the time. Well, that's not even entirely true. Sure, we often argued, but a lot of the times she forgave me rather quickly, as though she hadn't been that mad.

The only thing was, I still think she thought I liked her for the chase or something. Mary had chastised me for as much. I made a mental note to write out a list of ways to convince her otherwise.

Lily rolled her eyes at the offending intruder and stuck her tongue out him playfully. Jacob ruffled her hair in response. How adorable. I coughed rather loudly.

All of my mates (including Lily, she's my mate now, remember?) looked at me with varying looks from disgust to knowing amusement to mere confusion as to why I was currently hacking away. I smiled at them all.

"Jacob." He nodded at me in greeting. "Here for your sister?"

"Nope. Was gonna walk Lily and Mary to Charms. They asked me for help with a certain tricky um... charm."

"Lily is the top in that class, why does she need your help?" Lily blushed at the compliment and looked ready to contradict me before Mary jumped in.

"Oh, no. It's for my sake. Lily needed help explaining it to me. We figured another perspective might help."

I knew they were lying, but provocation might as well be my middle name. I threw on my most confused face.

"Why couldn't I just help you then? You know, I may act like an idiot sometimes, but I got mostly O's last year." Sirius snorted and Remus hid his grin behind a particularly large muffin. Mary wasted no time in responding.

"I would it's just...you annoy me."

"What?"

"Yep. You're er.. condescending as hell."

"No I'm not!"

"You're like this huge macho ball of ego that spurts out bits of patriarchy and old wizarding nonsense wherever he goes. It's like you're a big black ball of gas, like um, those things in space, you know... sucking things out of other things and being all around horrible people."

Sometimes Mary goes on weird rants and I haven't the foggiest what she's saying or how exactly she's insulting me and, besides, quite suddenly I had other things on my mind. Mary had given me an idea. Don't take this the wrong way, but _balls_! Of course! Why didn't I think of that earlier?

"Are you going on about black holes? How are those people? And I very much doubt they are balls of gas. That makes absolutely zero sense." Sirius had stepped up to defend my honor, so I took the moment to reflect on the stupidity level of verbalizing what I currently was considering to say to Lily.

"The sun's a ball of gas," Peter supplied helpfully.

"Yeah!" Mary shouted back, high fiving Peter and confusing everyone even more.

"What in Merlin's name does that have to do with _anything_?"

Peter seemed to ponder the question, while Mary merely snorted.

"You wouldn't understand, would he Peter?"

Torn between two loyalties (best friend and one of the only girls who acknowledged him as an entity outside of the group) Peter froze.

"The stars are also balls of gas..."

"Yeah!"

"That still doesn't make _any _sense! Stop saying things Peter, and stop acting like what he says has any relevance to your weird-arse insults, Mary!"

"So, Craigs is playing in Friday's game." I finally spat out.

They all stopped arguing and everyone stared at me, then slowly turned to Lily, who appeared to be very fascinated by the palm of her hand. She was slowly flexing back and forth her fingers, trying very valiantly to ignore the awkward silence that had descended and the overt glances being thrown her way. Finally she looked up.

"Oh, Craigs, was it? Hmmm."

"Yep. It's Slytherin versus Gryfinndor and he's one of their chasers so..." She didn't respond, only kept flexing back her damn fingers. I tried again. "I heard he insulted you." Lily looked momentarily panicked and threw Sirius an accusing look. He simply shook his head and kind of shrugged.

"Right. Herbology. You heard about that, then? How many details?"

" Just that he insulted you." She visibly relaxed. "So what did he do anyway?" Part of me, the non-logical ridiculously optimistic part, hoped she would actually tell me the truth.

"He... uh...called me... fat."

"He _what_!" Marlene looked furious. Mary choked on the bread she was currently scarfing down to prepare for what was supposed to have been a walk to "Charms".

Peter, meanwhile looked, like Marlene, enraged on Lily's behalf. I wondered blithely if he were just better at acting than Remus and Sirius (who were currently doing a very good job of keeping their expressions placid) or if he really thought Craigs had done this on top of everything else. For a moment I considered that possibility and let that emotion take over my expression so that Lily still thought I believed her.

"Want me to hex him for you?"

"What? No, you violent buffoon! Hexing people is not always the answer. Besides, I...er, already worked it out."

"How?" I was genuinely curious to see how she would answer.

"I put a heavy-weight charm on his school-bag. Though, sadly, I think it just helped him train for quidditch. So, sorry about that."

I laughed with the others and tried to imagine that _this_ was reality. The other true story was just some impossible scenario from a screwed up world where people were violently discriminated against for something as stupid as blood purity. A world where Craigs _hadn't_ threatened Lily's life in addition to hurting her physically and emotionally. Where I could just consider him an individual bully, not a small part of an entire organization.

Annoyingly, everyone's weird expressions made, even for a moment, believing her version of the story impossible. Jacob looked uncomfortable, Remus was throwing me concerned glances and Lily was blushing... a lot. Even if I wanted to be that delusional idiot Lily naively thought I could be, these guys would have tipped me off in half a second. I sighed, resigned to being, well, slightly genius.

Fine, not even slightlygenius. My friends are all just really obvious at everything.

I knew what I had to do now anyway. Make sure that Craigs couldn't be set up for their idiotic plan. Have my beaters go after him specifically. Ensure that Lily couldn't risk getting expelled for some prank that was sure to be poorly executed and destined to end horribly. Balls—Quidditch, yeah?

I grimaced slightly as I watched the three conspirators walk off after making awkward goodbyes. Only Mary was walking normally. Jacob's eyes were darting around everywhere and I swear Lily looked like she was moments away from rolling on the ground in some James Bond sort of move.

While Sirius started to discuss what Mooney and Marlene would be named if they were still a couple (oddly enough, not terribly awkward considering how cleanly things broke off) I tried to evaluate how well my interaction with Lily had gone. Yes, this _was_ normal for me, and yeah, I know that makes me weird. Remember that leaking-logic thing? Well, er...physics (that's a thing right?) dictates there must be something to fill empty... and in place of logic there's a whole lot of crazy. Right. Anyway...

She'd called me a violent buffoon-that's about 5 points down.

She'd considered us mates- 5 points up again.

She'd accidentally referred to as as a couple... implicitly, but whatever -1000 points up.

Plus I had an amazing plan to deal with the Craigs problem. I grinned and let myself join in on Sirius' mad rantings. Marlene had appeared to have left somewhere in the midst of their argument.

"We would _not_ have been called Maroony! That sounds ridiculous!"

"I understand where Remus is coming from, let's do last names instead. How about Lupkin?"

"I hate you so much, Prongs."

"Well, I, on the other hand love you. Dear sir, I do very much agree. Lupkin is waaay cuter than Maroony."

"Well, now, Padfoot. I think you are missing the point."

"Oh, what ever do you refer to?"

"Well, that is their _last _name. They still need a first. Maroony Lupkin is the cutest, I'm sure." Remus glared at me.

"That doesn't make any sense. You can't use Lupin without Remus. You two idiots don't call me Mooney Lupin."

"Oh, yes we do."

"He didn't know?"

"You guys, I do believe he didn't know."

"Oh dear, Peter, I fear you're all too right. Mooney Lupin didn't know." Remus shook his head at our antics.

"Fine. Padfoot Black, then? How's that sound?"

"Good job, Mooney! Padfoot _is_ black." I winked at him.

"Fine, Prongs Potter, wanna play it that way?"

"Ugh! You want to _what_ Potter? James did you hear that?"

"I did. I did indeed. Maybe I shouldn't have winked?"

"Oh, shut up."

"Hey, do me!"

"I'm sure he would, Peter, but he just about told us he's got his eyes set on Prongs here." We all laughed , blissfully unaware that at this very moment sinister plans were being made. Nope, not simply by Lily's crack-head team, but another, much more dangerous one.


	7. In Which Everyone Thinks of Quidditch

**A/N Special shout out to SanctusLeo. I think I love you most of all... No, but really, thank you! That meas a lot! I'm flattered :D**

And to everyone else possibly reading and not reviewing, please try to review? Thanks a bundle, my loyal readers! ;)

Also: At the end I did a time-line to try and clear stuff up! Hopefully that helps.

EDIT: I refer to Snape as pure-blooded in this chapter and that was intentional. Craigs thinks of him that way. So, not a mistake, but I figured I should still clear that up.

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><p>Darkness is a harsh term, don't you think?<p>

~Mumford and Sons, Roll Away Your Stone~

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><p>It made me sick, watching them both throw their lives away so cavalierly. Like, it was nothing... like <em>she <em>was something. My mother used to tell me that you could smell them from far away, I didn't think that was true though. That's probably what made them so disturbing. Mudbloods, I mean. You could be around one and not even know it.

I'd been in Herbology a full week before I'd found out. They called me stupid. Asked me how I possibly didn't know about Potter's muggle crush? I'd felt stupid, humiliated, and it was all that bitch's fault. She had helped me with a question that I didn't know... or care about, anyway. The professor had asked some question about plants and I had froze. She actually had the nerve to _help _me. As if I'd needed it. I had foolishly accepted.

"Mandrake root," she whispered and I repeated it aloud, feeling surprised that a Gryffindor had helped me out. Usually they were complete tossers. The professor beamed at me, and continued droning on. I was about to throw the girl a nod of recognition. A big deal, coming from me, but she was kind of alright looking. Pretty, I mean. Or so I'd thought.

Mulciber hissed from beside me.

"What the fuck was that?"  
>"What was <em>what<em>?"

"You're friends with the mudblood?"

I had to get her back. She'd stained my reputation. They all looked at me weirdly now, I could tell. They doubted my loyalty to the cause.

So I'd done the mud thing. Everyone warned me that Potter would retaliate, but I needed to make sure nobody thought I was friends with that... thing.

"Let him retaliate." I'd replied nonchalantly. Even the _thing_ told me she'd get me back. How very quaint. It thought I gave a damn. Should have known she'd meant her boyfriend.

Ugh. Like I said, it made me sick watching them: guys like Black and Potter wasting away their talents. Tainting themselves. Betraying the wizarding race. Imagine that people who should know better than anyone, were abandoning their own kind.

Anyway it didn't matter at the time that the game was coming up Friday and my captain was warning me that the notorious Gryffindor leader would be out for blood. It was all a distraction anyway. I had planned on doing something much worse.

I'd heard that Snape used to fancy her. They used to be friends even. So maybe he could sympathize with my humiliation. He had been young, but still, that must have been horrible to find out her history. Besides, Severus was an alright kind of guy. He'd helped me with potions a couple of times. So at breakfast I'd consulted him with my plans.

"You can't possibly do that," he drawled.

"Listen, Severus, I know you used to think that she was a person too, but..."

He rolled his eyes at me and brushed back his greasy black hair.

"No, you _imbecile_. I mean, that it is quite literally not possible. The house elves have been testing food for poison ever since the Longbottom incident."

I grinned, someone had poisoned Frank Longbottom after he'd betrayed one of his own (another pure-blood) for a young mud-blooded Hufflepuff. He'd survived obviously, but had been in the hospital wing for weeks.

"If you really want to get to her, get Potter." His voice sounded sort of strained when he said it. Potter's name.

"What? The blood-traitor? Why would she care? The whore thinks she's too good for him." Snape scowled, his usually passive face showing an anger I'd never really seen before. I figured it probably hit home because she'd done the same to him just years earlier. Mudbloods rejecting pure-bloods, who would have thought?

I looked up to see that Snape had been looking far away, and followed his gaze to the sickening scene I'd been watching earlier. The group of Marauders, two girls, and the red-head herself were all laughing. There was also another boy that Snape was eying with particular disdain. Surprising, as he usually reserved such a look for pig-headed Potter.

"Who's he?"

"The McKinnon boy?"

"Ugh. Another family gone bad? They're _both_ muggle-lovers, then?"

He turned to me, his black eyes disturbingly vacant.

"It would appear so."

"Well, anyway," I turned away from the blood traitors to look at Severus "What should I do about this whole mess?"

"Do nothing. There's a meeting for potentials on Saturday and we need to make sure that nothing happens before then to cause trouble for us. You know He wouldn't want any extra trouble."

"But you just said Potter..."

"I meant on the field. Take your angst out at him _there_. I'll even help if you like." With that, he arose from the table to leave. A quick glance to the Gryffindor table told me my victim had already done the same—along with two of her pure-blood friends. I sighed, resigned to putting the common Good ahead of my own enemies.

"Alright. Where are you going, though? Need some company?" He looked at me with such disdain, I glared. "Fine. Fuck off then." Without another word he walked away.

I watched amused as Black shot out a tripping curse Snape's way and did nothing to stop it. Unfortunately, Severus already been accustomed to forming a shield charm with him wherever he went, so, even though it had caught him off guard, he barely stumbled. Still, that falter was enough to get the marauders all laughing, and I let myself join in for a little bit. To pretend for a moment that they were on _our_ side, the right side, where they belonged. The moment passed all too quickly. It was too late for them. I smiled at the thought of taking Potter down a peg on Friday, picturing his face bloodied and bruised. Maybe even the stupid ginger crying about it, knowing it was her fault.

* * *

><p>It was all my fault!<p>

"Are you alright?

"Didn't know you cared, Red."

I glared at him.

"I care if I feel responsible, you bloody arse!"

"Eww, Prongs. Didn't know he hurt you in the arse too! Tough luck, mate."

"Sirius, if you don't get out _right now _I will personally _murder _you."

"Will you get my arse too?"

"Sirius," Potter warned. I ignored both the comment and Potter's lame attempt to protect me from it.

"_Get out_."

"Lily isn't that a bit harsh on him?" He looked kind of wary, but also a bit curious. The idiot was probably weighing his chances of me wanting him alone to kill him or snog him. Really, I wanted neither. But, I couldn't deal with this whole thing if he kept making snarky remarks and puns that were in poor taste. Once again, I ignored him and stared at Black defiantly.

"Are you going to walk or will I have to kick you out personally?"

"Hey! I'm injured too!" He lifted up his arm, which was currently in a sling.

"You broke your wrist, you twit. You don't need to lie in bed for that to heal. It will probably take a few hours at most."

"How do _you _know? And what about James? He looks fine."

"They're keeping him in here to make sure the cushioning charm worked correctly... and I know this all because I've learned basic healing."

"Have you really?" Potter was looking at me in awe. Even Sirius looked at me appreciatively. I flushed slightly. I wasn't trying to impress _them_. It was only practical.

"And you two haven't, I suppose?"

"But that's different! We _had _to! You're not out each month..." Potter trailed off, looking horrified at himself.

"I don't care about your nightly escapades, Potter," I replied bitingly.

I did, though. I was practically dying with curiosity. Each month they... oh! Remus? But, what were they doing. Going out with a werewolf! That was dangerous and stupid, even for them. I bit back asking, because they didn't know that I knew about Remus' condition. He'd asked me not to tell his friends that I'd figured it out, after I had confronted him. Seemed to think they'd do something stupid with knowing I knew. Or at least Potter would. I bet he would, too. Probably make some comment about how I have to marry into the "family" now. Ugh.

"Black..."

"Fine. I'm out. But only because I'm not really into seeing my best made get violated...?"

I glared.

"...mauled?"

Still nothing.

"Whatever, you guys do, it's sure to be kinky, I bet."

The pillow I threw at him missed by a couple seconds as he closed the door to the hospital wing. I turned to evaluate Potter, who visibly gulped. But then seemed to, for whatever reason, calm down. He smirked at me and cocked an eyebrow.

"So, what now, Lilykins?"

"I berate you for having been a moron. You could have been killed!" He opened his mouth to retort but I cut him off, "Or at least suspended from the team."

"They started it!"

"I was there! You _both _started it."

And it was true. That had been the oddest, most tense, game I'd ever attended. Both teams hadn't really started after the whistle blew. The quaffle had been caught by a Slytherin team-member, but they had just held it on their side. That's not to say they all stayed still. No. They were all flying around rapidly. Only the quaffle wasn't what people were watching. Instead the crowd was fixated on the two bludgers that were being aimed specifically at Potter and Craigs. After awhile the quaffle had started moving, and both teams scored some. But nobody really cared. They were going to kill each other at this rate! The bludgers were coming dangerously close to both players and any who got in the way. It was all offense with little to no defense.

At one point a beater from Slytherin's team abandoned the idea of hitting a bludger and just plain hit Potter with his bat instead. Black had then broken his wrist in a valiant (yet incredibly idiotic) attempt to stop it from hitting him.

Then all hell had broken loose.

Somehow Potter's broom had started to knock him around, almost trying to buck him off. Three things happened simultaneously. Two bludgers at once, full on hit Craigs' right arm, Davis (Griffyndor's seeker) caught the snitch, and James fell from his broom.

Most of the team was hospitalized. Obviously.

Potter had surprisingly come out fairly unscathed, though. Peter and Remus had been alert enough to set out a cushioning charm on the whole field. His broom had been confiscated, but nothing was found to be wrong with it. Whoever started the curse had also known the counter.

As obvious as that may sound, you'd be surprised how many morons don't bother learning both. They usually don't plan on stopping what they started, but seriously? There could be tons of scenarios where it would be necessary to lift a curse! Like to stop getting caught. Psh, and they say _I _don't know about pranks. Not that I curse people. But if I did, you can bet your arse I'd know the counter-curse. Anywho, what this told me was that whoever had cursed the broom had likely been intelligent, and as prejudiced as this may sound that took out _a lot _of Slytherins. Let's be honest here it was probably a Slytherin, not because they're pure-blood maniacs (though many are) but it was their team that Potter was currently trying to attack. Fairly obvious, really.

"Craigs has a broken hand," Potter finally spoke, breaking the awkward silence that had descended.

"I figured."

"It's his _right_ hand."

"Alright, then."

"He's right handed." Potter looked very much like he was trying to tell me something. Was I supposed to be proud he'd told his beaters to get his right hand so, what? He couldn't take notes or something?

"He probably doesn't take notes in classes, anyway. He's kind of dumb, you know?"

Potter furrowed his eyebrows and huffed, looking very annoyed with me. He'd probably expected that I would have praised his captain skill. Or cried that he'd almost died. Well, I'd practically done the latter. And he was fine now, thank Merlin... um, 'cause, er... otherwise I would feel... guilty! Or, um, you know upset that someone else had done the job. Yep...

Curses. I think I might actually not hate Potter!

If only I'd known how very much I would be taking back that statement this very evening.

* * *

><p>First off- I know this chapter is a tad less funny much darker than before. I considered taking it out, but at this point I'm just kind of letting this take me wherever. I have a plot that I already know I'm doing, even chapter names, etc. Just tonally this one ended up... a bit different than I expected. More humorous/light-hearted bits will follow.

TIME-LINE (So far)

Day 1 **Friday**- Lily is harassed in Herbology and tells Remus/Mary about it (Chapter 3: Some Explaining to Do and Chapter 5: The Logic-Defying Master Plan)

Day 2 **Saturday**- James finds out what happened (Chapter 4: The Proverbial Pranking Pool)

Day 3 **Sunday**- James tries to think of a solution to prevent said plan and fails- has a sleepless night.

Day 4 **Monday- **The gang eats breakfast, Sirius comes up with Couple Names and James finds a solution to his problem at the same time Craigs and Snape find a similar solution. (Both decide to use violence during Quidditch) (Chapter 6: Lames, Licking, and Lupkin and the first half of this chapter)

Day 5-6 Mary, Lily and Jeremy plot (you'll find out details soon enough) Potter convinces his beaters to go after Craigs

Day 7 **Friday Again**- Day of Quidditch Game. That night Lily gives James her cloak. The story begins anew. (Chapters 1, 2 and the second half of this chapter)


	8. In Which Sirius is a Goldfish Twice

**AN: Thank you EnchantedWords17 and anyone else reading my story. But, reviews are especially nice and so EnchantedWords17 gets even more of my love. Also I bequeath her Joey Richter, so long as I can have Brian Holden. Because giving away Joey Richter is entirely within my ability...Entirely.**

This chapter is very much dialoguey and James' parts are starting to annoy me. I might start just doing Lily's perspective. What do you all think? (Yes, that is a shameless attempt to get you to review)

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><p>The butterflies are passive aggressive<p>

and put their problems on the shelf

but they're beautiful

~Ben Kweller, In Other Words~

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><p>They had planted the seed well enough and people appeared to be falling for it, but that wasn't all <em>that<em> impressive really. People love to accept gossip, no matter how ridiculous it sounds. And if the rumors come true, that's when they usually start to think outside the box. They're attracted to the unknown, to the rumors, to the uncertain. Not the facts. All, it would take is one person to knock down everything.

"Want me to do it?"

Sirius was looking at me almost pityingly. He knew Lily was going to go ballistic.

"Nah, I'll be alright, I suppose."

"You just got out of the hospital wing man!"

"She's not going to attack me," I reminded him. And myself, somewhat dubiously.

"But, you were just starting to be on her good side, mate," Sirius whined.

"How about I do it? She's probably the most friendly with me," I scowled at Remus, "... not romantically Prongs! Any, as I was saying, therefore I'm probably the least likely to get killed."

"I don't think Lily could take any of you," Peter added earnestly. I looked down at him for a moment, wondering if he thought any of us would ever really try to "take her on" in a fight or whatever he was exactly implying when Remus interrupted. He seemed to be doing a lot of that lately.

"She's a good hand at duels."

"Oh, yeah," Peter conceded. I eyed them suspiciously.

"Wait! _I_ know that, but how do you lot know that?"

"We're all in the same Defense class as you, Prongs," Padfoot reminded me.

"Yeah. Well, what? You're all watching her?"

"No, that's your job," He smirked, "We're just not all blind either."

I stared at him blankly.

"She's impressive, alright? We're bound to notice."

Sirius said it so casually, so entirely devoid of any ulterior motive, I was stunned for a moment. I think because I'm so in love with Lily that sometimes I forget others can see her too. Don't get me wrong, I _know_ she's amazing. And others should know that as well, it's just... it really puts it in perspective. Of course she's beautiful, smart and funny—it makes sense others would notice that. It just... makes me a little nervous. Not about Sirius, Remus or Peter-these were just my mates, who are sworn to...well, not make moves on my future wife. It's the other guys I'm worried about. I unwillingly found myself glaring slightly at Jacobs. Peter huffed.

"Don't worry about Jacobs! He's not even on the team! No way he's better than you."

"Lily doesn't care about Quidditch," I sulked.

"Prongs, I'm sure it's fine."

"Remus!" I turned to him with a new found interest and suddenly he looked wary. "You know Jacobs." He nodded reluctantly. "Tell him to back off, will you?"

"No."

"Why not!"

"That's stupid, Prongs. And I doubt he would ask her out."

"Why not?"

"Don't sound so defensive, you would want to kill him if he did."

"Yeah, but..."

"It's not that anyway."

"Then what?"

"You." I nodded slightly.

"You think he's afraid that I would curse him or something?"

"Well, you have done it before," I looked at him sheepishly, as funny as those times had been I had outgrown that sort of thing. Even if I loved Lily that didn't mean I had the right to dictate who she dated. I puffed out my chest a little, feeling very much mature. Remus threw me a wry look before continuing,

"But, that's not why either."

"For Merlin's sake, Mooney! Get on with it! Why do your stories always take two days!"

Remus glared at Sirius, looking justifiably affronted.

"Ignore, him, Mooney. You know he has the patience of a two year old." Remus grinned.

"More like a goldfish," Peter amended. Sirius glared at all of us, but broke the mood by grinning. He spit out his tongue.

"At least I don't nod at people, like some sort of fucking lord-ship," he quipped turning to me. We all laughed, and I saw Jacob and Lily looking toward us at the noise.

"I'm going to go do it."

They looked up startled, sobering almost immediately.

"Are you sure?"

"Maybe it will work out and you don't have to do anything," Peter offered. I scoffed.

"They've been spreading that rumor around like wildfire. Everyone thinks that Craigs is going to be sneaking around tonight doing something. And, from what we've been able to deduce, they're going to set it up to make it look like he's trashed the halls and put up some posters supporting Voldemort." Peter flinched, Remus slightly winced, and Sirius' expression darkened at the name. We were quiet for a few moments before Peter finally resumed (or remembered) his question.

"But I don't see why that won't work."

"Well, knowing Lily, they've done it so that nobody will actually see it. Wouldn't want to scare any first-years, would we?" Sirius said it sardonically, but I felt a surge of affection for her wanting to protect them.

"What that means is that they're going to have to do it late enough that nobody's up, but not too late so that nobody will see it. The last patrol is at one in the morning. The next isn't till five, and by then at least a few crazies will think it's morning."

"What Sirius is taking forever to get to," Mooney smirked as he took over, but Padfoot only rolled his eyes, "is that they have a very small window to operate in, a good chance of getting caught, and a main suspect who is going to end up looking pretty damn innocent come the realization that he's in a hospital with a broken hand."

"It will be fixed by morning," Peter objected.

"Too late to make him look suspicious, though," Peter seemed to finally undergo a moment of understanding.

"Oh! And then they'll start looking for actual suspects and will probably find something weird or fishy and..."

"Exactly. Lily will get in trouble. It's not like this is just some silly prank. She's going to be _suspended_. Which is why I have to go and tell them..." I looked over to the middle of the common room where everyone was all huddled together. Lily was smirking as Jacob told a joke to the crowd. I could hear whispers of "I bet Craigs..." and "He wouldn't! Would he?"

Here goes nothing.

"James, don't. I'll do it. Like I said she probably won't mind if it's me..."

"Man, she already hates me... let me just..."

"I'd offer, but it would probably be weird."

I ignored my friends' rather valiant attempts to save me. This was something I had to do on my own. Besides, Lily's and my friendship can survive this... I think.

Without allowing myself time to reconsider I broke into the conversations going on, and let my naturally loud voice power over the others'.

"It couldn't possibly be Craigs. .."

* * *

><p><em>Stupid Potter and his stupid ideas.<em>

_...  
><em>

_Oh, hell. I still shouldn't have done it._

* * *

><p>Well. You know what they say, give a guy a cloak and he'll use it to trick you. Not really. But he <em>could<em> use it to trick you. Which is obvious by what Potter did. What did Potter do? you're probably asking me all innocently. Now you sound just like the idiot.

"I didn't do anything Lily!" He insisted with big blinking doe eyes and his other half giving me a knowing smirk.

Yes he did! I know he did. I just don't know what... yet. But he did something.

"Why do you think I did something? All I did was hand you back your cloak."

Sure, sure. Use logic why don't you.

I honestly can't explain how exactly I knew he did something, but I just knew.

I'd been planning on him having an overreaction of some sort. On being upset with me for having tricked him. In short, I'd assumed he would have finally saw reason and realized that I'd given him a _cloak_. To watch over. I had taken advantage of his weird tendency to like my things and gotten him to leave me alone. I thought he would be irritated or at the very least upset. Yet, here he was acting downright chipper.

I eyed him suspiciously through my glare. He'd obviously done something. The question is: what?

"Whatever, I'll find out soon enough." He shook his head, and his floppy dark hair fell over his glasses. He smoothed it back, running his fingers through to make it even more messy. I fought back a groan.

"You're killing me, Lils," Potter echoed my thoughts exactly. Well, minus the Lils part. Mine would have just been James. I mean Potter.

"Right back at you, Potter." Sirius was still smirking at me.

"What now?"

"I thought you were going to start calling me James," Potter broke in randomly, just as Black was starting to speak. He closed his mouth like a goldfish and turned back to his eggs. I looked at Potter startled.

"Er... no. I don't think I ever said that."

"But we're mates, right?"

"Yeah."

"And remember what I said about mates?"

"That wasn't even true. And, if I remember correctly that was the time your own best mate licked my ear. I'd like to stay clear of that subject, please. It seems to make him act even more wolfish than usual."

"Wolfish? Who's wolfish?"Remus sat down next to me, his voice far too fast and with his eyes unusally wide. I'm not an mind reader, but if I were I'd say he was asking "what the hell?" So I did what any friend would do, I pretended I didn't notice how oddly he was acting.

"You, you big coot."

James and Sirius snickered into their breakfasts.

"Me. You were talking about me?"

"Yep. We all shared everything we know about you." The two morons across from me looked like Christmas had come early. They thought I was unwittingly sharing a joke with them. Well, let them think that. Like I'd ever let them think I was knowingly doing that! Ha. Not me. Not Lily Evans. Not with Potter and Black.

Still, this was too much fun and, I loathe to admit it, but I liked making them laugh. They were such pranksters, it was nice to be the funny one every once in a while.

"Haha, yeah. Sure." He was looking around at each of us desperately. To Potter and Black it probably looked like he was asking them if they told me something, but I knew he was checking to see if I'd told them anything. Like, about knowing a certain fuzzy secret. I grinned.

"Cat's out of the bag, _Mooney_." Sirius was delighted to hear me say this, but Potter suddenly stopped smirking and stared at me. He looked confused, then suspicious.

Uh-oh. Too far with the nick-name bit. Fuck. Reverse! REVERSE!

"Haha. Kidding, Remus. We were talking about Sirius." Remus glared at me, and smiled apologetically at the others. James was still staring daggers at the both of us. Whoops.

"Why do you..."

Remus shoved a piece of toast into my mouth just as I was going to fix everything. I had been planning on asking Remus why he was so upset about being called wolfish. I was going to do it all innocent like and convince Potter that I knew nothing. Now, I was convincing him I couldn't eat properly.

I started choking and Potter changed quite suddenly from suspicious jerk to friendly knight in armor. Ugh, that boy. Really.

"Are you alright? Remus, what the fuck is wrong with you? Are you okay, Lily? Need some milk?" He'd practically hopped the table. Well, not practically, he must have jumped the table because he was sitting next to me patting my back and offering me a glass of milk. I took the cup gratefully and started gulping it down to stop the toast from scratching my poor darling throat.

Remus looked remarkably unconcerned for someone who had just tried to murder me. He shot James a look and then said tonelessly,

"You're not actually supposed to do that, you know. It doesn't help." James was still glaring at Remus, but he did quit patting me. Instead, his hand started rubbing my back. Now, don't go thinking I was enjoying this! Under normal circumstances I would have just about thrown my milk in his face for such nerve. But, I had almost died! And felt considerably weakened by my toast encounter. So I simply joined Potter on glaring at the fair-haired kid beside us, who was starting to finally appear a little sheepish.

"I really am sorry, Lily. Bad form. _Are_ you alright?"

I nodded at him, to show my graciousness. For some reason Sirius snorted at this and even Potter smiled.

I saw Mary and Jacob approaching so I elbowed Potter in the ribs to make him stop. The last thing I needed was Mary interrogating me over letting Potter touch my back. He withdrew, and immediately I missed the contact. No, not because it was James' hand, but because I was still shaken up over my near-death.

Toast, you know, is quite dangerous. I must have said this last bit aloud, though, because the three marauders started cackling. Mary rose her eyebrows at me, and then shrugged, as if resigned to my oddities. Ha, talk about oddities, Kettle. Jacob merely threw me a wary smile.

Oh, what friends.

* * *

><p>Lily had made me stop rubbing her back as soon as Jacob approached. I eyed him calculatingly. After that whole joke with the unrequited love bit I had began to feel a bit better about this relationship, but now I was once again unsure. I'd thought that someone really in love with Lily wouldn't joke about it, but the way he was looking at her when she wasn't paying attention made my heart clench. And, she had made me stop rubbing her back. I tried desperately to still the jealousy currently boiling in my stomach.<p>

I had other things to think about any way, things to distract me. I really needed to figure out their plan. That should be easy enough. I already had my counter-prank good and planned thanks to Lily's cloak. Besides, they weren't exactly subtle or sneaky. I'd probably just tail them with the cloak a couple times and see what happened. And if I happened to overhear some conversations between Jacob and Lily then so be it.

It's not like there was anything to overhear, probably.

I bet he drones on about boring stuff like potions and Lily pretends to listen as she doodles in her notebook. Wait! Lily actually likes potions. Bleh.

Okay, focus, James! I need to get to the bottom of this, it's driving me crazy. I can't even focus on the prank. And that's important. Not that this whole potential romance isn't, but Lily can't get suspended or else it won't matter who she likes.

I've made up my mind, I'll talk to Jacob and see what he says. Just be forthright and honest. Jacob seems like he would appreciate that. And there was enough sneaking going on, as is.

"Hey, Jake!"

"Yeah?"

"Can I talk to you for a moment?" He cocked his eyebrow at me almost mockingly.

"Sure."

"Privately." He rolled his eyes. When did Jacob become such an arse? Probably when you started treating him like one, a stupid voice reminded me. Damn, conscience. "Please," I added on for good measure. He apparently appreciated that gesture because he stood up and nodded.

Lily looked confused, Sirius' face impressively passive and Remus was all too knowing. I tried to ignore all of them. We walked outside the great hall to an empty hall way, I turned around to face Jacob, who looked fairly irritated. This guy was usually renowned for his constant cheeriness. Not good.

"I do."

"I didn't propose, Jacob," I tried joking.

"Fancy her I mean."


	9. She's Got Another Boy Oh, Boy

_A/N: Sorry, you guys! Finals week has been killer. Needed a quick break. Anywho, I hope you like this one! And I promise the next will have even more Lily/James moments as I trickle to the end... oh and (slight sort of spoiler?) also will finally/probably reveal what James did with the cloak... kind of ;)_

**Also, special shout out to the ever lovely EnchantedWords17! Sadly, I doubt your opinion on Jacob will improve this chapter (sorry) but I love the idea for our double-wedding! I'm so jealous you got to meet Dylan! I think I'm plenty brain-cells dead enough to outright drop on one knee. All I need is a ring... for Brian of course. I wouldn't dream of stealing away your men :] That's right, you get both because you, my friend, are an amazing reviewer and deserve as many Star Kids as you like. I'll even throw in Darren. Only post G.L.E.E, though. Unfortunately, I'm terribly in love with the Disney singing dork. In all honesty, I'm probably only a review away from gifting you him as well ***she said crazily as though she had the power to give away people*****

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><p><em> "You'd better watch out, <em>

_ 'Cause one of these days I'll turn and ask you on a date"_

The Zolas, Watch Out

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><p>"I do."<p>

"I didn't propose, Jacob," I tried joking.

"Fancy her I mean."

"Who?"

"Quit beating around the bush, Potter." I sighed forlornly.

"Since when?" He shrugged so casually I wanted to hit him.

"A while now, I suppose."

"And, what are you going to do about it?"

"What do you propose?" I glared at him.

"I told you I wasn't proposing."

"Pity. I thought we made a cute couple,"he winked at me. Great, why don't you hit on me right after telling me you were competition for the girl that I've been in love with since like third year. The guy is far too cavalier with all of this who he likes business, he thinks it's fair game to pretend liking anyone. Lily deserved someone who took love seriously. Okay, fine. I'm being a fair bit pretentious and I'm not exactly the most serious guy, even when it comes to Lily. At least not behavior-wise. Still, he must have noticed my annoyance because he quickly changed tactic.

"Okay, well... seriously where do you think this is going? You're the one who asked me if I liked her and now you expect me to also tell you all of my plans?"

"Are you going to ask her out?"

"Are you?"

"I tried that all last year. Didn't really work." He eyed me sternly, as if checking to see if I were joking. What? It was a disaster. Especially the last try which has resulted in her declaring love to a giant squid. Alright, that's a bit of an exaggeration, but she wasn't exactly my biggest fan at the time. That had been the worst summer ever. Somehow, though, when we'd returned, she'd suddenly been much less hostile to me. Told me it wasn't my fault. It was inevitable that she and Snape would have broken off their friendship. Luckily, I'd not been dumb enough to actually verbalize the "told you so" that I had been thinking so much I was sure it would come out on its own.

"Seriously?"

Apparently he couldn't read my face.

"Yes, seriously. Did she date me last year? No."

"You liked her last year?"

"Are you being serious? What Jacob, are you daft? Of course I liked her. Thought it might have been a bit obvious after all that, you know, asking her out."

He actually looked befuddled. I hardly ever get to use that word. Then again, people are rarely befuddled by me.

"Potter. Everyone thought that was a mean joke."

"What! I thought that was just Lily!"

"Nope. I mean we all thought you meant it at first, but after she turned you down it seemed like maybe the whole thing was just meant to pull her leg. Espcially that last bit with Snape. I mean bullying her best friend and using that as blackmail to score a date? Sounds a bit harsh."

"Well..." I honestly was at a loss of words. When you put it like that...

"Then this whole year was you switching tactics I suppose?" I nodded confirmation. "Well, I thought that was just you realizing that you really did like her."

"I've always liked her!" My voice may have been a tad loud.

"I know that now."

"Fine. Glad we cleared it up. Spread the word and what not. But, what's that got to do with anything?"

"Nothing."

"Well then why'd you bring it up?"

He shrugged and looked bored once more.

"Curiosity." I scowled.

"You know that kills, right?" He grinned at me again.

"I'm not cat. And I'm also not going to help you get with Lily. I like her, remember? Any information is good information at this point. I'm just testing out the waters."

"So you are going to ask her out."

"I never said that. We'll have to see, won't we?"

I was mere moments away from begging him not to. But I do not beg. And Lily would never say yes. I don't think.

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><p>Jacob and Potter have been acting weird ever since their conversation this morning and it's getting irksome.<p>

"What's up with them?" Mary asked, annoyed. They kept looking toward us down the table, Marlene was off on a detention and so I'd decided not to sit with them. Well, not that they were sitting together, just further down on my right side. Potter was closer, though. And so every once in a while I would catch Jacob watching Potter watch me and I could see why Mary was getting annoyed. It was distracting.

"I dunno."

"You obviously did something."

"Did not."

"Used your feminine wiles, mayhap?"

"You're bonkers, you know?"

"I have been told."

"This is nice though, eh? Some you and me time."

"Sure, sure. So, when is operation X again? Today?"

"Tomorrow, that's when Craigs will be back as usual."

"He already is back as usual."

"I know, but it will have been a day. That establishes normality, trust me."

"I'm still mad we had to unspell all of our work from the prank last night. That was stupid. Damn Potter, ruining our plans. And now I'm exhausted from running around instead of sleeping."

"I'm sorry," I patted her back sympathetically; "This is my fault."

"It's your fault for being a nice person and being born into a muggle family? No."

"I know that's not my fault. This whole plotting thing. The marauders say I'm crap at pranks."

"What do those arses know? Who cares if they're considered prank Gods, they are just sneaky, that's all. I, for one, am fine with not being sneaky."

"They called it being subtle."

"Who?"

"Oh you know… a couple of the guys…" I motioned my head toward Remus, Potter, Peter and Black.

"Why have you been having therapy sessions with the marauders?"

"I have not. It was just something I overheard."

"Sure."

"No, it was. Potter was saying 'She's clever and funny, but not very subtle.' And Sirius nodded all vehemently."

"And so you decided to ignore the compliments and just focus on the one sort of flaw." My cheeks flared slightly, and I regretted having mentioned the nice things, I just didn't want her to think Potter was being a total arse. He might be one, but he wasn't acting it at the time.

"I pride myself on being subtle," I defended. Mary rolled her eyes.

"Just yesterday you were going on about being funny."

"Well, a person is always supposed to be improving themselves."

"Uh-huh." I decided this conversation was going nowhere, and checked down the table to see if Potter and Jake were still going at it. Instead I saw Potter glaring behind me, confused I whipped my head around and was face to face with Jacob.

"Hey, Lily. Mary." He nodded at Mary and then slipped onto the bench by my side. I grinned in greeting.

"What's going on with James and you?" Jake looked surprised for a moment but quickly sobered.

"Oh, you know… boy stuff."

"Boy stuff," I repeated dully.

"Yeah, like brooms and firewhiskey… and er… fit girls."

Mary rose her eyebrows and my mouth fell open slightly. Although quite handsome, Jake was really more of the quiet bookish type. I knew he was joking, he was known for being a bit of a laugh, but hearing him list off all of those things sounded distinctly odd. He looked slightly irked at having been met with such a reaction.

"I _am_ a guy, you know."

"Yeah, but those are like Marauder-guy activity."

"Remus isn't obsessed with those things either."

"You are kind of like Remus," I replied with a small smile. "With less irritating friends."

"Not like James, then?" I looked down the table to see Potter throwing food at Remus. As if sensing my gaze his hazel eyes met my own green ones. Startled for a moment I finally turned back to Jacob.

"No, not like Potter." For whatever reason my response seemed to annoy him, even though I would have thought nobody would want to be like that oaf. I was about to ask what this was all about when Mary cut me off.

"So, operation X is tomorrow, yeah?" Jacob looked at me in surprise.

"Why so soon?"

"It needs to happen quickly."

"Established normality," Mary added knowingly. I glared at her half-heartedly to show my displeasure at having my phrase being used, and wrongly at that. She pointedly ignored this.

"Alright, then." He ran his hand through his light brown hair and grinned crookedly at me. "Common rooms, then?"

"Common rooms," I confirmed.

He paused for a moment, looking torn between saying something and not saying something. Mary was staring at him, furrowing her brow, and looking rather concerned. She looked at me and rose her eyebrows. I was never any good at reading eyebrows. I shrugged and she rolled her eyes. Seemed to be doing a lot of that lately.

"I'll leave you be, then." Now I was even more confused. We had Transfiguration next, and always walked together. I shot her a look, which she ignored, and she ran off before I could question her. Normally I'd have darted off after her, but Jacob was still staring at me rather intently, looking to be going through some sort of inner-debate. It seemed rude to run off on him. I waited patiently for whatever he was trying to do, doing my own little debate on whether or not it would be rude to yell at him to get on with it.

"LILY FLOWER!"

Oh, joy.

"Potter."

"Every time."

"Every time, what?"

"I give you a pet name, and you respond with my last name."

"She's probably practicing for when you both get hitched. Letting the name feel natural." Potter looked annoyed at Sirius, but his hazel eyes flickered to mine hopefully and even a bit apologetically. I sighed. It wasn't his fault that his friend was a twit.

"I thought we were going to be called Lames? Why would I need his last name?"

Sirius roared with laughter at my response and Potter looked delighted. Jacob meanwhile looked as though he were losing that debate of his and seemed very downtrodden. Probably all of this noise. Poor boy.

"Look, we've got to go, so I'll see you in Transfig." They all looked startled at that.

"Who's we?"

"Jake and I."

"He's not in that class."

"That's why we're hanging out a bit before hand."

They all still looked slightly shell-shocked. Oh, bother. I grabbed Jacob's arm and pulled him up with me. Still no reaction from any of them. They were all eying me with odd expressions.

"Well, er… toodles!"

I quickly walked off toward one of the hallways, pulling Jacob for the first few steps before he finally seemed to recover and start walking with me. He half-jogged to keep my pace.

"How… are … you walking … so … fast?"

"My legs are long."

He didn't respond, but from the corner of my eye I saw him smirking slightly.

"Where are we headed?" I finally stopped outside of the transfiguration class room, allowing Jacob to catch his breath and looking at his very long legs rather skeptically. That boy needs to get out more if a quick get away takes his breath away. He caught my glance and quirked his eyebrows.

"Checking me out, Evans?"

My eyes rolled of their own accord. If only my stupid cheeks didn't betray me, I swear I'd look almost casual about the whole thing.

"You wish, Jacob." He grinned.

"I was just kidding, Lily." I nodded, but still didn't dare quite look him in the eye. I heard him sigh. "Okay, here goes nothing."

"What?"

"After this whole thing," I finally turned to watch him and saw as he waved his arms around to refer to this 'thing', "...is over, do you maybe want to… I dunno…go out on a hogsmeade weekend?"

My breath got caught in my throat and suddenly my forehead felt quite clammy. I stared, doe-eyed, as one of the most gorgeous seventh-years asked me, Lily Evans, to go out with him. He was wonderful, really. I mean… what was wrong with him? Nothing. He was intelligent, helpful, funny and fit. Nothing was wrong. And yet… I felt quite nauseous.

"I think… I'm coming down with something." Jacob looked incredibly concerned.

"Are you…"

"Yes!" I'd practically shouted it and heard almost distantly my voice echo down the nearly empty hall.

Suddenly I remembered that lunch was almost over. I pictured in my head that we only had about 2 minutes before the halls were full.

"Yes… you'll go out with me? Or yes you're sick?"

"Erm… sure. The former I mean." I was looking anywhere but at him, and yet when he replied, his voice betrayed his expression. If I had to guess, I'd say that he were making a ridiculously happy face.

"Great! So, I'll… uh, see you after class." He paused for a while next to me awkwardly and then did a sort of half hug. I barely participated, but he didn't seem to mind.

Of three things I was certain as I pathetically settled into my transfiguration desk 15 minutes too early: I was not good at handling interactions with boys, I was decidedly uncertain about how I felt about Jacob, and then there was Potter.

I know that last thing is not really a thing to be certain of. It certainly doesn't make any sense to me, but for whatever reason, no matter what I tried, I couldn't get that stupid bespectacled face out of my mind.

And so, I suppose, the thing I was _really_ certain of was that continuously thinking about Potter was not good.


	10. I Don't Appreciate This Excess Company

**A/N:**

_First off-Okay, so I lied about not doing Potter's perspective. Oops._

_Second: Please review, my lovely readers! I will seriously be indebted to you. Even the tiniest most random "Sup, I read your story" is perfectly dandy by me. Honestly. It doesn't even have to address the story. No need for any critical analysis or whatnot._

_Even if all you say is, "Why does James keep calling Jacob, by Jacobs?" And I'll be all: Thanks, dear reader. Drat. I did not mean to do that and will fix it with haste (I will, promise) and heck, I might even explain that originally his last name was going to be Jacobs and his first name maybe be something else random before I decided to make him Marlene's brother. See? Fun fact. Aren't you having fun?_

_Seriously though, all you have to do is write "poop" and I will thank you in my next update. No joke. Poop. That's all. In my head it will translate to: read your story! And sort of liked it enough to review but I'm busy and so all I wrote was poop. Actually, I'll probably think you were calling my story poop, but hey! That's okay too. Criticism welcome, even though poop isn't terribly constructive._

_...On second thought, maybe write something more benign to avoid confusion. Like rhubarb or doorknob. Unless, of course, you think my story is poop, then go right on ahead and write that. Thanks in advance!_

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><p><em>Chapter title is a reference to Weezer's "Perfect Situation" and the last one was a reference to Voxtrot's "The Start of Something"<em>

**Also I think I'm long over due for a disclaimer: I own none of JK Rowling's characters only the plot is my own (and I guess Jacob and Craigs are too) none of which would be possible without the Rowling World in which i write in. Also I own none of the song lyrics that I post to go along with some of the chapters-to quote a song by JayMay, "What can you do but steal when what you want to say has already been written?" Anyway they're all wonderful songs and I recommend a listen!**

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><p><em>"And everybody's saying you'll take the news gracefully,<em>

_ Somehow I don't think I'll be getting off that easily"_

_~The Decemberists, The Apology Song~_

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><p>So she's seeing someone-so what? He's a seventh year, he'll be gone soon. I mean, the year is almost over. He's going to be going crazy with NEWT testing in a week and then she will think he is nerdy and boring and turn to me for comfort...I hope.<p>

Oh! And _then_ Remus will be Head Boy with Lily and help me get an in. I can totally wait another year. This is fine. Totally fine.

So why is everyone around me acting as though I might explode?

"Prongs, want me to hex him?"

"Do _not_ hex Jake, Padfoot. James has moved past that stage, right?" Remus looked at me proudly and I smiled at him, grateful that there was at least one person who didn't think I was on the verge of a mental breakdown or explosion.

"He's not even on the Quidditch team, Prongs! No worries, mate."

"Yeah, _thanks_ Worm-tail. Missed that the first dozen times you said it," Sirius rolled his eyes and flipped his long black hair behind his shoulder. Still, I smiled at Peter and he grinned back in a silent agreement to ignore Padfoot. It was as if Sirius were the one in love with Lily; honestly, he was taking this whole thing rather badly.

"Calm it, Padfoot."

"Howare you being so casual about this! Don't we normally DO something? Why are we doing nothing! Have you given up on her? Seriously? Five years of this love crap and all of a sudden you're done?"

"Merlin, Sirius. What's got your knickers in such a twist?"

"Answer the question, Prongs. Are you giving up?" He was being so oddly serious I decided to give him a bone.

"No! I already told you, the plan is to give her space. I honestly think things will work out. This is the first year that I've decided to let fate run its course and I've made more progress in the past few months than I have during all my years chasing her. I just found out she thought I was joking all those times I asked her out, for Merlin's sake. I need to take things slowly this time."

"Alright that's all you needed to say," he grinned at me. I was slightly unnerved. I had taken off my glasses and been rubbing the bridge of my nose, but quickly shoved them back on, eying him suspiciously.

"What are you going to do?"

"Well, now that I'm in on the plan, _finally,_ I can help."

"What do you mean, 'plan'? The plan is _no_ more plans! How can you help?"

"No, the plan is pretend to have no more plans. Be hard to get. You said nothing about actually having no more plans."

"I'm pretty sure he also said nothing about playing hard to get."

"Can it, Mooney."

"Nah, I think he's right, guys. James never said nuthin' about pretending to not have plans."

"Peter, would you rather sit around and do nothing or actually help James."

"I don't need help!"

"Shh… we're talking."

"About me!" I was beginning to panic.

"Calm down, already."

"Actually, James, I think Sirius may have a point."

"What!" I was stunned that Mooney, after spending all these years telling me to quit trying so hard and plotting, was actually voting to plot. I glared at him. This wasn't even a voting situation! My love life is not a democracy!

"No, hear me out. I never said don't _do_ anything. I said stop acting like a prat. You did that, but that doesn't mean you stop trying altogether."

"What does that even mean!"

"It means don't act like a love-sick rejected puppy." I scowled at Sirius to let him know that he was not helping.

"I wasn't going to."

"Still, you've made a lot of progress this year," Remus started, "Lily really seems to like you, she just hasn't realized it yet. She's gotten in the habit of hating you. Sure, dating the wrong guy will probably help some, but Jacob isn't a bad guy. It may take a while. It may take too long. She needs a wake-up call."

Now I was starting to become concerned. They were really sucking me in. Forget kryptonite, Lily was like a drug and these guys were trying to push me off the wagon. And it was working! I looked over at Peter to see if he would help me out, stick with the original plan, anything. He simply shrugged at my pleading face.

"I'm with them, Prongs. Doing nothing is boring." I rolled my eyes.

"Great, now my love life hinges on the attention-span of Peter."

"Nah, you've got us at well." I sighed, resigning to my fate of being pawn. Remus, at least, had helped me this far. I knew I should trust his judgment. Still, it felt wrong playing games. I wanted to be past that. I closed my eyes tightly for a moment and prayed silently, not unlike how my mom and Lily used to react around me.

"What did you have in mind?"

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><p>"We're not dating."<p>

"Does _he _know that?" I couldn't help it, I squeaked a little, feeling rather guilty.

"It's just Hogsmeade."

"You never went there with James when he asked you… I thought you guys were friends." At Potter's name my heart clenched painfully.

"That's different. He'd get the wrong idea." Mary eyed me pointedly. I gulped.

"Okay… okay. I'm a slag!" I wailed.

"You're not a slag."

"Yes I am. I am doomed to the slaggy life-style. Here, help me hem my skirt up two inches and unbutton my blouse. Might as well start looking the part."

"You're not a slag. If anything you're just a strumpet."

My head jerked back toward the door from the awkward position I had been in, strewn sideways with my head hanging off the bed. I stared at Marlene for a moment, dazed and feeling even more horrid than before. I wanted to cry.

"Don't make that face, Lil. I was only joking."

"What's a strumpet?" Mary asked, looking between us, irritatingly unconcerned that the sister of the boy we were talking about had probably heard a good deal of our conversation.

"It's the Shakespearean term for a tease," I explained, not taking my eyes off of Marlene as I moved into a sitting position, pulling my pillow into me and clutching it onto my chest. "How much did you hear?'

"Only that you were doomed to being a slag," she admitted, throwing her school bag to the floor and kicking off her shoes. "I simply assumed you were talking about my brother."

"So he does think we're dating then?" She stared me down hard, quite disturbing as her blue eyes were very similar to Jake's.

"Aren't you?"

"I… I don't know."

"Do you want to?"

"I… I…."

"Lily!"

"What?" I turned to Mary, hoping she would rescue me. She shook her head resolutely.

"Fine. Not really."

"What do you want?"

"To be mates and maybe potentially more than mates, but never actually more than mates until I stop feeling sick every time I think about being more than mates."

Both of them looked at me as though I had gone insane. Who knows? Maybe I had.

"Is there anyone who you can think about being more than mates with without getting sick?" They were both staring at me rather intently now, Marlene looked almost eager and Mary was making the same face she had made right before Jacob asked me out. It was as if they knew something that they also thought I knew, or should know. I had no idea.

"Er….I dunno." Mary groaned and Marlene smiled wryly.

"Let's just give it a bit, then, hmm? Aren't you doing a secret mission with my brother?"

"He told you!"

"That scum! Lily, don't date him. He's a snitch." Marlene shook her head at our reactions.

"It's not as if I would tell on you. And I don't _know_, I just guessed. He's been hanging with you guys a lot lately, and besides, I heard you threatened Craigs." I nodded, having had forgotten that I had such a moment of bad-assery. Good to know that others hadn't.

"Don't look so proud. It was a mistake. Now people are going to blame you when something happens to Craigs." I shrugged, though part of my froze at hearing this.

Remus had already said as much, but it felt differently coming from so un-biased a source. It wasn't as though Marlene didn't care if I got in trouble, rather she didn't treat me like I was some delicate flower and she never teased me about the whole Peeves incident. Doubt began to gnaw at my already upset stomach.

"A word of advice, Lily?" I nodded and Marlene continued, "Tell my brother where your head is at. He deserves to know, and it won't be a complete surprise, I mean he told me you looked rather green after you accepted and told me he thought you were going to take it back."

"I wouldn't!"

"I know. But tell him that you want to look at it as just a meeting between mates, alright? He'll understand, but you have to tell him." Once again I nodded.

"Also, reconsider who you might have feelings for if not for my brother. I might be biased here, but he is kind of awesome and so there might be something wrong with you if you don't like him." I glared at her, "Or, you fancy someone else maybe." At this I became confused. _Fancy_ someone? Who? Jacob was fit, but I really was beginning to doubt I fancied him in the slightest. Who else was there?

"Okay." She eyed me suspiciously, but my answer must have been satisfactory because she moved on to her next bit of advice.

"Also, don't do the prank."

"Hey!" Mary and I shouted together, equally enraged. Why were people so set against this?

"Listen, Marlene. Really good job on the first two bits. That's what I have been trying to tell Lily for weeks. Well, not the bit about Jacob obviously, that's only been for the last few hours. Anyway, I guess I never tried just being really blunt about it. Subtlety is completely lost on Lily."

"Hey!" I cried out indignantly. First I'm not subtle and now I can't even handle subtle. Gee, thanks people who are supposed to be my mates.

"What? You can't. But, as I was saying before Lily interrupted me, That last bit is just wrong. We have it totally under control. No worries. If Lily gets in trouble, we all do, and they can't expel all of us." I had been nodding along with her speech until this last bit, which sounded not quite right. Marlene looked equally unimpressed. Perhaps sensing our dissatisfaction Mary added onto her defense,

"And if we do, so what? Better be expelled for a good cause then sit around doing nothing to defend Lily!" I stared at her open mouthed, she apparently had convinced Marlene who was now eyeing us with a slight sense of awe. She gave us both thumbs up before heading toward the loo. I glared at Mary.

"We're not being expelled."

"I know, but if we do…"

"We're not…"

"Lily…"

"Not. Happening. We have it all under control." Mary shrugged. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have two bits of advice to get started on." She smiled.

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><p>"How did the talk with Jake go?"<p>

"Are you dating Potter?"

"Answer my question."

"You answer mine!"

"I asked first."

"Marlene!"

"Lily, he's my brother and he likes you. Do you really think I would give into your jealous questions about another boy before I found out about my brother's well-being?" I glared at her with as much viciousness as I could muster, hoping my eyes were as frightening as Potter had claimed when I was angry (and quite pointedly ignoring that he had also called them beautiful).

"He's fine! Why wouldn't he be?"

"Because he wants to date you and you don't want to," she retorted bluntly.

"Don't you have a detention to serve?" She shot me an amused look before shaking her head.

"That didn't count as an answer, Evans." I sighed.

"Okay, okay. So it went like...

_"Hey, Jake!"_

_"Hey, Lils."_

_"How are you on this wonderful evening?" He smiled sadly at me, my own smile faltered._

_"Fine...I figure you want to take back your answer, then? It's okay. I shouldn't have put you on the spot like that."_

_Wow. I wanted to cry all over again._

_"No! No! Nothing like that. What sort of girl do you think I am?" He grinned at me, more hopefully this time._

_"The kind that sad she was coming down with something right after I asked her out."_

_"Erm... yeah, sorry about that." He shrugged._

_"So, what is it then?"_

_"Well, I suppose I shouldn't have said 'nothing like that', it was a bit misleading, really."_

_"Nah, whatever you have to say is fine Lily. I'm down with anything. Just be honest."_

_Honest. That's me. Honest subtle Lily. Oh, bother._

_"Ha! Yep, honesty. Er... well, maybe we could just go as mates if that would be alright. Like just a friend thing?" He quirked his eyebrow at me._

_"But you do know I would prefer to go as more than friends?" I nodded guility._

_"I'm a such a strumpet!"_

_"What! Who told you that?"_

_"Your sister." He scowled._

"You told him I said that?" Marlene interrupted.

"Sorry! You did call me that, though."

"Yeah... but... I was kidding."

"Want me to go on or not."

"There's more?" I glared at her. "Go on, then. Sorry.

"As I was saying... or rather as Jacob responded:

_"Marlene needs to mind her own business. She's just a bit protective of me, I guess."_

_"Yeah, but that's nice. To have a good relationship with your sister. I wish I had that."_

"You have a sister?"

"That's exactly what Jacob asked."

"And what did you say?"

"Exactly what I'm saying now, yes, but I don't really want to talk about it."

"Fine. Go on..."

_"Okay, I get that. You don't know me very well, anyway."_

_"It's not that, it's just... I don't really talk about her to anyone."_

_"Does Potter know about her?" I didn't really want to tell him the truth... but he _did_ say he valued honesty. Still, he was sure to take this the wrong way._

_"Yeah," his face fell immediately, "but it's not like that. He found out by sticking his bush of hair where it didn't belong." Jacob did smile at that._

_"Alright, then. Anyway, we're on for Saturday still?" I nodded._

_"And tomorrow the prank is a go?"_

_"Yep!"_

"So there is a prank, then? And it's tomorrow." Whoops.

"Erm... No. Haha, he didn't say prank... he said... frank."

"The Frank is a go?"

"Yeah. You know, Frank Longbottom." She eyed me skeptically for a few moments, her arms crossed. "Fine... fine. I never said there _wasn't_ a prank anyway."

"Yeah, and Mary already pretty much confirmed it." I nodded.

"Listen I shouldn't have freaked out before. Need help?"

"With what?" She sighed. What? I could be sneaky.

"You're so annoying," she said it with a smile, so I knew she didn't really mean it. "Good luck, alright?." I smiled back gratefully.

"Thanks."

"For what?

She started walking away—a perfect exit, I'm sure—but suddenly I remembered why I had come to talk. And it had _not_ been to give her a play-by-play of my conversation with Jacob.

"Hey!" She didn't stop walking, but merely turned around and continued leaving backwards. I angrily stalked toward her.

"Are you dating him or not."

"Oh, yeah."

"Oh, yeah what? Oh, yeah—you forgot the question?'

"More, oh, yeah—I forgot I was dating him." I looked at her in surprise.

I'd thought this was me over-reacting to a bit of first-year gossip. A stupid rumor-nothing more. They were dating! Part of me that I hated felt like shouting I told you so at everyone who had ever told me to give James a shot. I knew he was bluffing when he told me that he'd never fancy anyone else as he was far too in love with me. His using the word so easily made me want to smack him. He didn't love me. He couldn't love me. We hadn't even dated yet. He was merely misusing the word as millions of people did, which, quite frankly, was one of my biggest pet peeves; it's as though they were belittling it. Every time it got used incorrectly by some pimpled teenager, it lessened the impact of when someone said it and truly meant it. Oh, you love me? The same way that 11 year old is in love with the blonde kid that sits in front of her in Potions? Wow. So meaningful.

Sorry if that sounds a bit harsh. I'm all for spreading the love, honestly. I'm just a bit skeptical. And I guess I shouldn't be one to talk. What do I know? Just because I've had my fair professions of love (all from the same boy) didn't by any means make me an expert.

You see, I'd never been in love. Sure, I'd fancied a couple of boys here and there and, loathe as I was to admit it, seemed to have this weird sort-of-fancy-him relationship with James, but I'd never really been _in_ love. I love my parents. I love Mary. I even love Petunia. But, _in_ love? Falling madly, deeply, irrevocably in love? It hasn't happened yet.

Bitter much?

"Oh." Was all I said.

"Are you okay with that? With us dating?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" I swear she looked mad at me before her face fell into a mask of indifference.

"No reason. Just making sure. He is _my_ boyfriend after all." I scowled slightly.

"You're forgetting that _he's_ the one who asked me out all of those times. Not the other way around. I'm not vying after Potter."

"Me thinks the lady dost protest too much." I glared at her.

"Forget it alright? And stop with the Shakespeare references while we're at it. I'm sorry I asked if you were dating. There's nothing between Potter and I. I know he was joking all those times before and I was just saying that to rile you up." She stared at me sternly before finally responding.

"He wasn't you know."

"What?"

"He wasn't joking."I was about to object to this absurdity when she cut me off. "That's not to say he still wants to ask you out. I'm just letting you know he did really fancy you before. But you had your chance. He's dating me now." Part of me withered up slightly at that statement and quite suddenly I felt like crying.

I didn't even _like_ the prat. (I don't think.) But the way she said it was so final... My throat felt entirely too tight and for a panicked moment I actually thought a tear might escape. With as much subtlety as I could muster I put my pinky finger up to my eye to gather any stupid salt-water that had gathered there. Marlene looked unconcerned at the whole affair, which I thought was fairly callous of her, but whatever. _She_ was the girlfriend, I was the cliché idiot who suddenly wanted what was no longer available.

I needed to get out of there.

"Okay. Bye, then." She didn't respond, simply studied me, her blue eyes emotionless. I turned on my heel as quickly as possible and started down the hall, quickly trying to think of any places where I might actually have some privacy. I didn't really want to talk to Mary right now and my room was off limits as one of my roommates happened to be who I wanted to avoid.

Two of the other people I also most wanted to avoid crashed into me at that very moment.

"Wotcher, Evans."

"Are you alright, Lily?" I nodded numbly to Jame's question, not even bothering to berate myself for mentally calling him by his first name.

"Fine."

"You don't look fine."

Why, thank _you_, Black. You're the King of Chivalry.

"If she said she's fine, then she's fine," Marlene cut in dryly.

James looked inexplicably angry at his girlfriend, and for whatever reason I felt a surge of panic. Did he know? How could he know? If they broke up would he still want me? I hate myself, I really do.

"I'M FINE!"

"Fuck, we heard you the first time," Sirius assured me, putting his finger to his ear dazedly. Perhaps I hadn't needed to be quite so loud.

"Sorry, it's just. Have to be off to... study Potions." James quirked his eyebrow and I groaned internally. I shouldn't keep using that line to get him to back off, it was becoming suspicious.

Potter looked very upset about something, and was still kind of glaring at Marlene, but it wasn't my job to know what that was about. I mumbled my poor excuses before racing down the hall toward the grounds. There was a tree near the forest I knew would be hidden enough to grant me some privacy. As I was greeted by the cool burst of air, I allowed myself fee better somewhat at having reverted back to calling him Potter in my head before succumbing somewhat to the inexplicable sadness I felt. Inexplicable because it's not as thought I were in love with Potter. I merely sort of fancied him. Probably. And I'd get over it. I think.


	11. Trouble is a Friend

_**A/N: **Hello, my wonderful darling readers! Oddly enough full time working is even worse than finals. Who'd have thought? All I have to say is that I should probably not be registering freshman._

_**Extra-Special Shout Out To: T-h-e-G-o-l-d-e-n-E-g-g- thanks so much! I'm glad you liked it :D**_

_Please don't forget to review! It really does help get me motivated to write, and I'm not just fishing... (well, okay, I kind of am) but in all actuality it helps!_

_EDIT (June 6): I'm still writing the next chapter but wanted to give a quick mention about something that I just found out today. I was googling my story title (because I'm just _that_ weird) and found another story entitled "Subtlety thy name is Sirius Black" which was published far earlier than my own and made me feel rather stupid._

_ I'd honestly been unaware there was a title with such a similar name. __I chose my title on a whim and have since then considered changing it several times but was afraid it would be confusing. Anywho, I know it probably doesn't even matter, the phrase is common enough, but having two inside the same fandom made me want to at least acknowledge the other title. I'd rather be an over-reacting odd ball than accidentally offend anyone. _

_PS Also I spelled bowl with an 'n' in this chapter which was either an interesting and fun new way to spell bone or else, you know, a typo. Whoops :P _

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><p>"...Hair blowing in the breeze,<p>

The day needs my saving expertise!"

~Nathan Fillion, Dr. Horrible~

* * *

><p>"It was her." Craigs was pointing at me angrily, his face contorted with hatred. I squirmed slightly. "Well, it was all of them. But she was the leader."<p>

Jacob, Mary and I were all seated across from Dumbledore. Craigs, Mucliber, Snape and a few other Slytherins that had gotten involved in the cross-fire of our prank were glaring down at us. Well, Snape was actually staring angrily at the Marauders, who had been dragged in here obligatorily, as they often were when a prank against the Slytherins was done. Merlin, even with all the evidence pointing toward us he was still mad at Potter. Figures.

"What makes you think it was this group?" Dumbledore asked calmly.

"Really, Craigs, they've never done anything of the sort before," I felt a surge of affection for Professor McGonagall as she defended us.

"Evans has!" It was Mulciber speaking up now, smiling wickedly. "She did that prank on you." McGonagall went slightly paler.

"Oh, that's quite right. Though, really I don't think that's on the same scale…"

"Still," Dumbledore looked at me sadly, "She has a record." I grimaced. "But that's not proof. And fortunately we have a system wherein the accused is innocent until proven guilty." I love him, I really do.

"And perhaps they're not even guilty then," Snape bit out. He was glaring angrily and Remus and Black and I glared back at him. We may have been friends at some point, but he had lost the right to benefit of the doubt. Besides I had the feeling this involved Remus' "furry" problem.

"She threatened him."

"What was that Mr. Mulciber?"

"That's right, Headmaster. She threatened me." Craigs was staring at me triumphantly. Snape scowled and the Maruders looked surprisingly unconcerned. That hurt slightly. It was as though they'd given up on me, at least Mary and Jacob flinched at the reminder.

Everyone had been right. This was a huge mistake. I hadn't listened and it seemed the marauders at least had forsaken me. Potter was probably annoyed to be dragged in here when this whole thing was obviously my fault. And I had also dragged Mary and Jake into it.

I would have to confess and take all of the blame.

For whatever reason this decision seemed to calm me. It didn't matter now what happened because I knew that whatever it was none of my friends would be in trouble it would only be me. I figured I would probably just get detention or something. Nothing too terrible.

Suddenly, though, it hit me that I might be suspended. That tended to happen to muggle-borns more than anyone else. Not because of Dumbldore, of course! It would be the parents of the child harmed. They would go to the minister and try to finagle a way to get what they wanted. It wasn't worth the effort with punishing fellow pure-bloods. Little rivalries were to be expected between them. As long as it was all within the purity family things were okay. That's why Marlene and the Mauraders were fairly safe as far as pranking goes.

The foolishness of what I had done hit me like cold water. I could be expelled.

_ I wouldn't be able to go to Hogsemeade_. That was my first thought when I realized my predicament, which was bizarre. I had been looking forward to it more since Jake and I had settled things. And now I wouldn't be able to go. My mind couldn't help but wander slightly, and I found myself tuning out the main conversation. Huh, I'd have thought that I would be paying rapt attention to find out my punishment. I'd thought that time would have slowed down. Instead, all I could think was how Potter's hair was mussed slightly differently this morning. It looked as though it often did when he got into pranking.

How funny, perhaps we had done our pranks simultaneously. I smiled slightly, thinking about what might have been if I had perhaps taken Potter up on his offer. His offer to help or date me? I wasn't sure.

"LILY!" I looked up startled.

"What?" Dumbledore looked amused that my mind had wandered, but all of my friends looked furious. Didn't they realize there was nothing else to do? I would take the bullet and that's all that mattered. Luckily the headmaster caught me up to speed.

"Mr. Potter and his friends have admitted to the offense," I turned around to shoot them all looks of surprise and they seemed irritated by my astonishment. _They hadn't forsaken me! But those arseholes didn't need to do _that. I realized with a start that Dumbledore was still speaking "...but Mr. Craigs seems to still be adamant that you have done it. Usually we would take the accusers at their word, but Mr. Mulciber has so kindly reminded me that you have yet to defend yourself against these accusations."

They were all staring at me questioningly. Mary and Jacob looked like they were about to admit to it as well. I suddenly realized that quite soon everyone would be admitting to what was entirely my fault. At the same time I felt both a surge of warm affection with a cold determination. They would _not_ take the fall. I would.

"Obviously Potter just wants the glory. Craigs is right. I did it. By myself."

Everyone exploded at once. Some of the marauders looked annoyed, but Potter seemed mostly amused. He must know why I had to do this. I smiled at him gratefully while those around me told Dumbledore that I was a liar.

"She's trying to cover it up, because it wasn't them _or_ her. It was me. You know my sister? Her craziness must have rubbed off on me and..."

"No, no, no, no! I did it. I found out what he did to Lily and thought, best mate code! I have to get revenge. Best served... warm, right? Unless it was cold? If so, oops. Wanted to get it done with, you know?"

"This does not seem like something you could do alone Miss Evans. Nor you Miss Macdonald, and Mr. McKinnon. I would like the truth if you don't mind." I felt guilty, but still determined. Suddenly I was quite glad that I had stupidly threatened Craigs. I had the most cause and they were all determined to get me anyway. Dumbldore would _have_ to believe me.

"You do deserve the truth, Sir. And I would have you know that Evans has an alibi."

"She does?" Mary and Jacob asked at the same time I whipped my head around to glare at Potter.

"No I don't."

"Yes, you do. You were tutoring first years in Potions."

"If you try to get some first-years to lie for me I will..." The door burst open.

"She was with me, Professor. This is all a mistake." Professor Slughorn had entered, heaving and all-around looking rather like he had ran to this office. I felt oddly grateful for him, but mostly confused. Had Potter drugged him? Why was he lying for me? Sure, I was his favorite student, but I had also just admitted to pranking his own house. Besides, as sweet as he could be, Professor Slughorn was never really one to stick out his own neck for another's sake.

"That's not possible, Professor."

"Such self-sacrifice! Lily, dear, you really mustn't lie anymore. I have the memory should anyone need to see it."

Potter was practically beaming, despite what looked like something of an attempt to look indifferent.

How could he have a memory of me? That was impossible! Mary and Jacob hid their confusion, but I didn't bother and neither did most of the Slytherins. Other than Snape, which was odd as I was quite positive he had seen me at the scene of the crime.

"Professor, you've been tricked!" Craigs insisted. Slughorn frowned at him and Dumbldore led him to this elegant stone basin hidden behind a glass cupboard.

"Now there's no need to argue, I have a pensieve available. If you will, Professor." Slughorn immediately pulled out his wand to his head and from it slithered out a silver cloud-like substance that slid into the bowl. I gaped, never having seen this process before.

"We will be right back, if you don't mind."

I watched, entranced for a moment as McGonagall, Slughorn and Dumbledore all bent forward. I then prompty turned around and hissed at James.

"Whatever you're doing it won't work." He simply smirked.

"Yes it will."

"No it won't." It was Craigs this time. It felt odd to agree with one another.

They came back after what felt like a decade of silence.

"I've seen the memory. It was not altered. Miss Evans I'm very disappointed in you..." I braced for my sentence. "You should not lie, even to protect friends. You will face a night of detention tutoring more first-years. You seemed to be doing a very good job earlier."

I simply stared at him, my mouth open slightly.

"I'm not sure what you saw, Professors, and I don't mean to contradict you, but I was not tutoring first years this evening!"

"Yeah! At least the brat is being honest! She did it! I know she did it!"

"What makes more sense? Potter pulling an immature prank on our house again or nobly taking the fall and somehow tricking the professors? I for one do not find him nearly clever nor noble enough to have done such a thing." Everyone stared at Snape in mild shock. Potter nodded at him, but he simply glared back. The slytherins seemed confused and only Slughorn looked truly pleased.

Professor Dumbldore seemed rather thoughtful.

"Well, even our arch-nemisis knows when to belive us," James quipped lightly. "The others were obviously just trying to protect Lily when they had thought she had actually done it."

Dumbleore nodded.

"Miss Evans, MacDonald and Mr. McKinnon you may all leave." I refused to move for a moment, and they had to threaten me with another detention before I finally left. Not without protestations of guiltiness though. How did Potter do it? The cloak!

I'm not sure how, but I know it involved the cloak.

I went to the common room, furious. Determined to stay up until they came back and then talk with James until he confessed to whatever he had done. He had no right to manipulate the situation like that. I was not some damsel to be saved. I had not asked to be saved.

"Good luck!" I looked up with some surprise to see Jacob heading towards the boy's stair-well. Mary had already left.

"What?"

"Good luck with Potter."

I grimaced.

"I plan on chiding him. I don't need luck, thanks." He smiled slightly sadly before shaking his head and running up the steps.

"He's dating your sister!" I yelled after him.

"Oh yeah. Marlene seems _really_ enamored. And I'm sure Potter just _loves_ dating his mate's ex-girl. He probably doesn't mind that she spends way more time with Remus at all."

That made me pause.

I'd never thought of that. Didn't they have like a boy-code or something? They might be tossers but the Marauders were terribly loyal. As the damn idiots had proven tonight. (Fine, I say that with a touch of affection, how could I not?)

But that was not the point. The point was... I was waiting for Potter. We would talk and er... that's all I had planned so far.


	12. She Killed It With Kisses

_GAH! A trillion apologies readers! I'm so sorry if you waited at all to have to read this. At least this one is longer, eh?_

_Once again, please review if you can! They are very much appreciated._

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><p>I've been waiting for you to pick up speed;<p>

I've been waiting with everything I do and every deed.

And I won't get tired of waiting, but won't you arrive?

No, I won't get tired of waiting, but won't you try?

~Walk the Moon, _Candy Cane Jane_~

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><p>"You waited for me."<p>

I eyed him hesitantly, unsure if I should answer him; it hadn't really been a question. More of a surprised observation.

"Why would you do that?" I finally asked, breaking the silence that had descended.

"Do what?"

"Exactly!" He was quiet for a few moments. His face crinkled in slight bemusement. Well, I wasn't about to give him any answers. No matter how adorable that confusion may be.

"...exactly, what?"

"What _did _you do?"

"Oh. That."

"Yes, _that_. What was it? Did you confound Slughorn? What a horrible thing to do! Do you even know how illegal that sort of thing is? Oh, why would you _care_about legality? It's not as if you _don't _go galavanting about risking your life with a werewolf every night!"

"We don't galavant! Wait... you KNOW about that! How? When! Why didn't you say anything! Did Remus tell you!"

Oops. I'll tell you what Remus _did _tell me, and it was most certainly to _not _tell the hyperventilating bespectacled bush-haired teenager about me knowing. Darn.

"No."

**"**No, what?"

**"**Just... no." He stared me down for a few moments while I tried my best to find split ends in my hair. It was very distracting that. Almost enough to ignore his hazel eyes attempting to bore into my skull. Finally he sighed, having apparently decided, at least for now, to let me win this battle.

**"**Fine. Whatever. We'll discuss it later," he said this with such confidence and authority I didn't doubt for a moment that we would. Well, _he _would. I would resume the search for split... Hey! Found one!

**"**Found what?"

What was it with me and saying stupid things out loud. Really, it was enough to make people think I was loony. I didn't respond, though a couple of Mary-esque stories ran through my mind. Found a niffler? Where? How did Mary come up with this stuff so effortlessly?

**"**So you're just going to be silent now then? You waited up for me to yell at me about something we apparently can't talk about and now we're done?"

**"**I didn't wait up for you to talk about _that. _I didn't mean to bring that up. It just sort of, you know, flew out in the heat of the moment."

**"**Okay... what then?" Uh-Oh. What was I going to talk about? Somehow I had lost my train of thought. I noticed blithely that James' top shirt buttons were undone and his tie was now hanging loosely around his neck. What? I was only looking because he was pulling on his tie...

**"**I didn't confound him," He tried. Oh, yeah! Hey! The energy of my righteous anger warmed me as it resumed its place. Phew.

**"**Well, you did do _something_. Probably illegal. What was it?" At the word illegal he seemed to freeze momentarily before slipping once again into a mask of diffidence. "What _did you do_?"

**"**... Can we talk about this later?"

**"**What? Now that I actually want to talk, you decide not to? What did you do?"

He looked momentarily pained.

**"**I can't tell you."

I was somewhat surprised to realize how much that actually hurt. He wanted to tell me but for some reason thought he couldn't. It said a lot about our relationship. Or maybe I was reading too much into it. Still...

"You don't trust me." Although I had tried to keep my voice even and pragmatic, it didn't quite catch. He looked even more upset, seeming to undergo an internal debate. It seemed he was finally victor, for just as I was about to turn toward the girl's dormitory, his expression changed to one of grim determination.

**"**I'll tell you." His hazel eyes blazed beneath the thick glass. I allowed myself to be steered over toward the corner of the room, where a couch was nestled.

**"**This is the snogging couch!" I protested with a sense of indignation. James merely rolled his eyes.

**"**Yeah, because I totally think we're going to make out after I tell you this." That sobered me. He hadn't made some sort of come on or sleazy innuendo. This was serious. Probably illegal. Suddenly, I wasn't so sure I wanted to know.

**"**Nevermind. We are cool. As a cucumber. You know, like the vegetable. Ha! This is just... you know, I don't..."

He was staring at me as if I'd had a mental breakdown. Which I probably had. A look of understanding then passed over his face, and then he looked quite annoyed.

**"**Fine. Go to bed, then."

**"**No. I want to know." And truthfully, I _did _want to know. But part of me also knew that once I found out whatever he was about to tell me things would be different. _Stop acting like a stupid cow, Lily. He's just going to tell you how he ended up with the responsibility for what you did. It's probably some weird illicit thing he did with his mates and he did it for the glory and that's all. You're being ridiculous. _But I knew it was that tiny voice that was ridiculous. It was just trying to preserve a sense of normalcy for me. To maintain my once simple hate relationship with Potter. Ha, that hadn't been simple for quite some time. I sat down on the couch, a cushion away from him. a ghost of a smile appeared on his face, quickly replaced with as somber a look as I'd ever seen.

**"**I've known about what Craigs did to you for a while now."

**"**Of course! Merlin, it's impossible to keep a secret in Hogwarts these days. Who told? Remus?"

**"**Sort of. Well, technically it was Sirius..."

**"**Ugh! I should have known!"

**"**Why didn't _you _tell me, though?"

**"**I... I... I didn't even want to tell Remus, he was just, you know, there."

**"**But why not?"

**"**Well, obviously because something like this would happen. I waved my hands frantically around to show what "this" was, even though I wasn't quite sure what I meant by it. _I knew Potter would want revenge_, I thought, _I did not know _this _would happen._Still, James seemed to accept this response and nodded thoughtfully before continuing.

**"**Fair enough. Anyway, once I heard you were planning your own prank I sort of tried to stop it."

**"**How?"

**"**Er... You know that quidditch match?"

**"**You are a complete idiot! Seriously! You're... a dolt. A stupid, idiotic..."**  
><strong>

**"**Alright, alright. I'm dumb. I get it." I glared at him. He did so obviously _not _get it.**  
><strong>

**"**You could have _died_.**"**

**"**Didn't we go over this already?"

**"**Died, James. Diee-ed. DIED! As in _dead_. Dead!"

**"**You called me James."

**"**Are you even listening! I swear I could just... How did we get this close?"

**"**What? You mean, like emotionally? I mean you know that I..."**  
><strong>

**"**No, I don't mean emotionally! I mean why are our knees touching?"**  
><strong>

**"**Er... you moved closer to me."**  
><strong>

**"**I did not!"**  
><strong>

**"**Yeah, you did. As you were yelling you started kind of... scooting over." He was grinning at me, "If it helps I think you were doing it so that I could hear you even better." My cheeks were quite probably the same shade as a tomato, so I decided, quite wisely, to move on.**  
><strong>

**"**Okay. So you almost got yourself killed. What happened next."**  
><strong>

**"**Well, it didn't work."**  
><strong>

**"**Obviously you're still alive." He scowled.**  
><strong>

**"**I meant that you still decided to go with your prank."**  
><strong>

I thought back for a bit.**  
><strong>

**"**Oh! Hey! That's when you decided to have your inconvenient stroke of genius and ruin everything with your big mouth!"**  
><strong>

**"**Well, I wouldn't call it genius... I did know the flaw because I kind of created it." I stared at him in mild amusement. He was rubbing his neck and his cheeks were their own personal shade of red. He was actually acting humble and embarrassed that I'd called him genius. If he hadn't been so cute I might have had to berate him for only hearing the flattering part of what I had said.

Scratch that! Cute? Ugh. I meant. You know. Flustered. Yeah, flustered.

**"**Move on, James."

**"**There it is again."

**"**What?" He was grinning toothily.

**"**My first name." I rolled my eyes.

**"**Move. On."

**"**Alright, Lily." Ugh, this boy. "So, finally I stopped your plans. But then you guys obviously decided to keep on at it. Persistence is admirable, but seriously? Ugh. And why Jacob! Are you dating him by the way? Marlene says you're not, but..."**  
><strong>

**"**I don't care what your girlfriend said. That is off topic and frankly, not your business." For whatever reason Potter seemed to enjoy my answer and continued with a grin. Had I not been vague enough? He doesn't _know _I'm not with Jacob. I could very easily be dating Jacob. Jacob and I. We could be a very adorable couple. Almost as cute as Potter and McKinnon. **  
><strong>

**"**Okay, then that's when you gave me your cloak."**  
><strong>

**"**My cloak?"**  
><strong>

**"**Yep." I was finally going to learn what he did to my cloak! And very probably, why I should never ever have given him that cloak.**  
><strong>**"**It had your hair on it, see?"**  
><strong>

**"**What!" Was he really that obsessed?

"Yes, your hair, do you know what hair goes really well in?" I scrunched my face in disgust.**  
><strong>

**"**A potion?" A dark love potion! Poisons! There were dozens of potions that used human hair!**  
><strong>

**"**One in particular... that helps you when you need a person to have a good alibi." **  
><strong>

I was confused again. **  
><strong>

**"**To be in two places at once," he tried again.**  
><strong>

**"**If you're talking about a time-turner those are both highly regulated, rare and dangerous. Also you don't need hair to make them work."**  
><strong>

**"**Ooh! That would have been fantastic! But we would have needed you to make that work. This we could do without your compliance."**  
><strong>

**"**You didn't..."**  
><strong>

**"**We did."**  
><strong>

**"**You made a _polyjuice_ _potion_! You know that breaks like a billion school and wizarding laws! You are entirely moronic! I can't believe...! What would possess you to do such a thing?"**  
><strong>

**"**You, obviously." My heart stopped for a moment, before resuming at a speed that was at least four beats too fast.**  
><strong>

**"**What?"**  
><strong>

**"**Lily," He grabbed my hand, and continued in such earnest I couldn't possibly break away. "If you had been caught do you know whatmight have happened?" I nodded dumbly, if only because I couldn't be bothered to speak at that moment. My brain was whizzing far too quickly. He frowned at me. "You knew but did it anyway?"

**"**It was symbolic."**  
><strong>

**"**What?"**  
><strong>

**"**It was supposed to be a kind of defiance. Show _them_that they don't control us."**  
><strong>

**"**Well, that's heroic and all, but you could have been expelled or worse. Their pride couldn't stand to have you defy them so blatantly."**  
><strong>

**"**Ugh."**  
><strong>

**"**I know, it disgusts me too. But can't you see that I could not let them have that? That we could get revenge but also prevent them from being able to punish you? I could not let them hurt you Lily. Not just for symbolic purposes, but because I couldn't just let that happen."**  
><strong>

**"**Let me get this straight for a moment. Collect my thoughts and what not." He nodded solemnly. "You risked both you and your friends so that I could be spared?" He flinched.**  
><strong>

**"**I didn't risk them! They demanded that they take part of the blame as well. Honestly, I tried to take full responsibility but..." I kissed him.**  
><strong>

Merlin, help me. I think I just kissed my sworn enemy. Lily Evans just kissed James Potter. Quick, look out your window! Are things that should be birds making oinking sounds? If not, I may be a liar. Well, okay, I know I've lied before... but Potter?

He smiled into my mouth before I pulled away.**  
><strong>

**"**That doesn't mean I support what you did." He was smiling stupidly, his hands holding on even tighter to my own. "I'll admit I am reluctantly flattered..." He relinquished one of his hands so that he could push some of my escaped hair behind my ear. I tried not to let my voice shake too much. "And.. er... well... that's apparently unavoidable. It's dumb, but true. I'm flattered."

**"**I..." I pulled out one of my hands to put a finger on his lips. He smiled again. But when he opened his mouth I covered it entirely and he frowned.**  
><strong>

**"**No. You... nothing. I need to finish. He nodded and I removed my hand. "I am flattered, as I said, but only because well, that was rather sweet of you. That doesn't make it any less chauvinistic." His smirk disappeared altogether and he looked ready to protest but I threatened my hand once again and he quieted. "You rescued me rather against my will and while I am not ungrateful I must have you know that it will not happen again." He shook his head vehemently. And I sighed. "Fine then, I'll have you know that I will _not _be flattered next time because now you know I want to be allowed to risk myself without having to worry about your own safety."**  
><strong>

Despite my best attempts to have said it in the most patronizing and irritated way possible he still seemed to assume the basic undertones of what I'd said: I care about you. What you did was nice just don't do it again. He was staring at me in earnest and grinning.**  
><strong>

**"**I'll only agree to that on one condition."**  
><strong>

**"**You can't agree to my feelings on one condition. Feelings are not conditional!"**  
><strong>

**"**Unconditional love and all that?" I glared.**  
><strong>

**"**Potter..."**  
><strong>

**"**Fine. But will you hear the condition?" I nodded somewhat grudgingly. **  
><strong>

**"**You have to warn me when you're about to do something risky."**  
><strong>

**"**Only if you do the same for me." He grinned.**  
><strong>

**"**Only if it's not Marauder-confidential."**  
><strong>

**"**Then I get that same rights."**  
><strong>

**"**You want to be able to exercise Marauder confidentiality?"**  
><strong>

**"**No, you dolt. I want to be able to have confidentiality for my friends. Mary, Marlene, Jacob." He scowled.**  
><strong>

**"**There's that name again."**  
><strong>

**"**Ugh. Cool it will you. It's not as though we're dating."**  
><strong>

**"**Good. I didn't think you were."**  
><strong>

**"**I meant you and I." As soon as I clarified I regretted it, he visibly wilted. I sighed. "You're dating Marlene aren't you? I'm not the other woman, Potter." Suddenly he cheered up considerably and began laughing. The loon.

**"**Oh, that!"**  
><strong>

**"**Yes, that."**  
><strong>

**"**We're not dating."**  
><strong>

**"**You broke up?"**  
><strong>

**"**No! We were never _really _dating." He was sputtering in between laughter but stopped when he saw my expression. Which I imagine was quite terrifying for I was considering ripping his face off with my teeth at this point.

**"**_What?_" He also seemed to recognize the dangers of my low tone and moved back on the couch. Our knees were no longer touching. Good. I never wanted to touch the idiot ever again.**  
><strong>

**"**Lily, it was just..."**  
><strong>

**"**Just what? Another ploy to get me to date you? Well, it didn't work. But I guess this one did. So congratulations on the snog."**  
><strong>

**"**Lily! You're being ridiculous."**  
><strong>

**"**No. You are! I thought we were mates, Potter. I thought I was mates with Marlene too, come to think of it!"**  
><strong>

**"**Lily, they convinced her and me. Don't be mad at Marlene... though, she was rather keen about it. I mean, we all knew _something _had to be done. I was against it at first, honest! I didn't want to do it all, ask my mates!"**  
><strong>

**"**_Your mates? We? _You were actually plotting! They _knew_!"**  
><strong>

**"**Er... yeah? They kind of planned it... or er... plotted it, I guess. I didn't even want to..."**  
><strong>

**"**But you still did."**  
><strong>

**"**They convinced me!"**  
><strong>

I couldn't decide if my anger was rational or not at this point. I was used to being angry at James, sure. And I was mad that they had done this, but to the point of breaking off anything that might have potentially been... happening, I didn't know. Better to just go to bed and leave it at that.**  
><strong>

Some things were clearly not meant to be.**  
><strong>

**"**Lily, please don't do this." I'd gotten up soundlessly and began walking toward the dormitory.**  
><strong>

**"**Say something! _Anything!_**"****  
><strong>

**"**James, you don't _want _me to say anything right now."**  
><strong>

He looked shocked for a moment before recovering and trying to grasp onto what little had developed in the last hour.**  
><strong>

**"**Yes, I do. Please talk to me."**  
><strong>

**"**Go talk to Marlene."**  
><strong>

**"**Come on, you're being irrational!"**  
><strong>

That was it. The final straw. I threw him a vicious scowl and left the room in a huff. **  
><strong>

**"**I'll show you irrational, _Potter_. I'll show you exactly how irrational I can be."**  
><strong>

He looked at me bewildered and I fought the urge to apologize or snog him again, fueling my stubbornness off of my anger. I should never have given him that darn cloak.

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><p>"...And from it she fled."<p>

~Florence and the Machine, Dog Days Are Over


	13. In Which Lily is Not a Stripper

_Hello my ever wonderful patient and beautiful readers!_

_Please review even if only to berate me for taking so long to update or er... you know. Whatever else._

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><p><em>Teddy bear, honey bee,<em>

_Don't forget that you love me_

_More than the stars over your head_

~Said the Whale, The Light is You~

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><p>The brightness escaping though my curtains stung at my eyes. I flipped over to my stomach with a grunt, burying my head into the pillow before forcing open one of my eyes. Red. My hair glowed slightly with the sunlight and I knew for certain someone had ripped open my bed curtains. I slowly craned my neck to look at my intruder and groaned at Mary's bright and cheery countenance. It was disconcerting to see something be so happy this early.<p>

**"**Too early," I finally mumbled to her staring form. It seemed she would be unlikely to say anything as she looked content to simply watch me half-heartedly glare at her.

**"**It's ten, you lazy lump."

That got me up. It was as though I had been jolted. Ten! Hogsmeade was in an hour!

**"**Crackers!"

**"**You're insane."

**"**No! I need to get ready! Why didn't you wake me up?"

**"**I just did. Besides it looked like a late night.." it rose up like a question and I sunk back to my pillows. Suddenly last night flooded back to me.**  
>"<strong>Never mind. I'm not going." Mary's smile fell away and she sat beside me, looking concerned.

**"**What happened, Lil?"

**"**I kissed him."

**"**My brother?"

**"**Go away, Marlene!" Mary and I shouted together.

**"**No. Potter."

**"**Hey! We're dating." I felt the blood drain out of my face and wanted to just go back to sleep quite suddenly

**"**Oh. Merlin."

**"**Lily! You kissed James?"

**"**I am such a slag. A dirty slag."

**"**Didn't you already try and claim that identity?" Marlene asked dryly.

**"**This time I really am. How can I not have realized? Listen, Marlene, I am so ridiculously sorry. I should never have kissed Potter. No matter what you did to me, I didn't even know about it... geez, I really am a whore."

**"**Lily!"

Marlene looked horrified and Mary slightly bewildered.

**"**No you're not! Merlin, Potter didn't tell you?"

**"**He told me."

**"**Not this, he didn't. Lily... we're not dating." She flung up her hands protectively as though I might attack her. Hey! Why didn't I think of hitting Potter last night?

**"**I know."

**"**What? Then why are you not yelling at me?"

**"**What you did was horrible but what I did was just as bad if not worse."

**"**He. Wasn't. Dating. Me. Geez. Lily, you snogged a single rather attractive bloke. Calm down."

** "**I thought he wasn't single, though."

**"**But he was."

**"**But I didn't know that!" My voice had gone a couple of octaves too high at this point.

**"**LILY!"

**"**What, Mary?"

**"**You kissed Potter?"

**"**Aaarrrgh! I am going back to sleep."

"Oh, no you are not. You may ridiculously think you're a slag," I threw her a look to show my disagreement that my slag-hood was even up for debate at this point. "and I may have been a total bitch to you about Potter." I nodded at that. "But my brother is innocent in this whole thing and if you dare stand him up, you and I will not be cool."

**"**We're 'cool'?"

**"**Yes, I'm fine with you making out with my pretend boyfriend."

**"**But I didn't know it was pretend!" I wailed.

**"**You kissed Potter."

**"**Mary, get over it, yes I snogged Potter!" She squealed and threw her arms around me.

**"**I was waiting for this day. My little Lilums is all grown up!" Marlene even smiled at my bat-crazy mate. I shook my head.

**"**What day? The day when I go out on an awkward not-date or the day when I realized I have whorish tendencies?"

**"**Either. Both." I glared. "You know I mean deciding to give Potter a chance. I mean how many days did you just willfully ignore that he had become a decent human being? Dozens. That's how many. Actually, more like millions. Hey, let's ask Potter. I bet he was counting!" She got up off of my bed as if to make off toward Potter and actually ask him if he'd kept tally before I screeched at her to stop. My roommates looked a tad startled.

**"**What now? Is that too embarrassing for the ickle love couple?"

I stared at them in disbelief for a moment. Neither had seemed to gather the gravity of the situation that we were all in. I, Lily Evans, had kissed a boy that I had believed to be in a relationship. Sure, I may have forgotten and been fairly convinced he didn't like her, but that made no difference. I was a cheater. A mistress.

They also both seemed blissfully unaware to the quite obvious fact that Potter had tried to manipulate me into dating him. And, even if he hadn't, I was still a horrible person and this relationship was all too doomed. For a small moment I considered relaying this all to my lovely friends, but then my sanity kicked in. They both seemed rather keen to have me dating Potter. Mary had hugged me, and she never hugs. Marlene had helped the boy manipulate me, stooping so low as to be his fake girlfriend...

Nah, I would tell them later. Or never. If they wanted to be thinking that I was dating Potter then bully for them. I would not be the one to break their high spirits.

"I need help getting ready for my not-date..." I finally said. They both smiled at me, but Mary stopped suddenly, looking suspicious.**  
><strong>**"**You never like me helping you get ready." This was very true. She dressed a little bit more...feminine then I liked. By that I mean she certainly never shied away from things that would accentuate her feminine features. Sure, I wore makeup, but not very much. And I hardly ever wore dresses. I frowned at the prospect of being her doll.

**"**I want to look nice," I lied. Both because I didn't care how I looked and also because I doubted that after she was done I would look very nice.

**"**Why? It's an almost date."

**"**Not-date," I corrected, glaring at Marlene.

**"**Exactly."

For a moment they had me.

**"**I don't want him to know that. What's Jacob gonna think if I go down there in a bulky sweater, looking like I haven't slept? Wow, what a hag. She's not even trying." Marlene quirked her eyebrows.

**"**I doubt my brother would call you a hag."

**"**Still..." She nodded, conceding that it would be rude to attend even just a stupid not-date looking like a hobo. Emboldened by this small victory, I had another stroke of genius.

**"**Also, let's pretend nothing happened with Potter. I don't want to upset Jacob." I was really getting good at this stuff. I was still pretty crap at lying, but as long as I put some truth into it, it was easier.

What I had said was true. I didn't want to upset Jacob and I wanted to pretend Potter didn't exist. However, they were only marginally connected. And they say I'm not sneaky...

Oh, great. I just realized I'm sneaky and a whore. So fun to learn how low I can stoop.

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><p>I emerged some time later, looking like one of those ridiculous girls who try and copy the magazines or their mothers. Mary could pull it off, but I looked like I was some sort of poser. They had put on rogue, but I had washed it off hastily, unfortunately leaving a small bit behind after finding it wasn't quite waterproof. Oh, well. It actually looked a little nice this way, I thought. Maybe still like was trying too hard, but not like a stripper or anything. So that's something.<p>

Lily Evans, sneaky whore extraordinaire, inept at subtly, but certainly not a stripper. Yay, me.

The rest of my outfit was decidedly more modest than Mary was accustomed. Although I had convinced her to let me wear a dress that went to my knees, it was a little lower cut than I was accustomed. It was pretty though. Dark navy blue, one of the few colors that didn't entirely clash with my hair.

**"**Evans?" Oh great I had planned on avoiding James. I looked up at Sirius with some apprehension, but not before ignoring him for a couple of seconds, preparing to make some inevitable eye contact with his hazel-eyed other-half. I was surprised then to find the one Mr. James Potter mysteriously absent.

**"**He's in detention." Remus answered my unsaid question and seemed to be eying me with a mixture of amusement and exasperation. **  
><strong>Sirius was not so undecided.

"Decided to take it early instead of tonight. See, he didn't really want to go to Hogsmeade...Why do you even care?" I glared back at him.

**"**I didn't say I did."

**"**But you do." That did not deserve a response, so I remained quiet. All three marauders appeared to have taken this as consent.

**"**Lily... he didn't want to do it. He wasn't trying to manipulate you. You know that."

**"**This is just some idiot knee-jerk rejection. You ran out of reasons to say no so you threw the only half-plausible excuse at him and now he feels terrible. You must be joyous," Black was giving me a dangerous glare beneath his thick eyebrows. I gulped.

**"**It's not like that!"

**"**Oh? How is it?"

**"**You know it's not like that. I need time."

**"**Time dressing up and going out with another bloke?" My cheeks burned.

**"**I'll have you know we are going as friends. And I can dress as I choose."

Mary came over and her eyes blazed at hearing this last bit.

**"**Is he honestly angry about you wearing something nice to a non-date? Merlin, you'll even have to deal with jealous boyfriend friends! I now know why you waited for such a bloody long time to date that wanker. His best mates are set back by about fifty years." All of us were startled by her outburst. And there were now three very confused young men. Mary seemed oblivious to this, quite used to having people become silent or befuddled in her presence. I did mention that Mary enjoys to go on half-crazed rants, yeah? She set off to explain, though not what they wanted her to explain.

**"**Sirius Black, you do realize that it is incredibly backwards to assume that Lily is dressing up nicely for Jacob. Why can't she just dress up for herself, huh? Why do you morons think that once you date a girl you own her body? I mean, Lily's not going to run off and demand James stop taking off his top during quidditch practice! That would be ridiculous, right? WHY! Why is that ridiculous but Lily showing a bit off is all of a sudden slutty? She keeps calling herself a slag! Even that is backwards! Fuck that!

**"**I didn't call her a slag!" Sirius defended.

**"**That's different! James hasn't got any breasts!"

**"**Boyfriend?" Remus repeated bemused.

**"**Rant over! Come Mary I... need to practice er... walking in these heels. Ow, feet. Clumsy me! Ha! Let's go!" I pulled her away quickly while the boys took up a hushed discussion, probably about why my best mate had just called _their_ best mate my boyfriend.

**"**No boyfriend talk!" I finally chided when we had reached the great hall safely.

**"**Oh, yeah. Sorry."

**"**Jacob may have heard."

**"**Heard what?"

**"**Jake!"

**"**Lily," He was smiling and looking very lanky indeed in jeans and a t shirt. I'd never seen him in muggle clothes. It suited him. I suddenly found myself wondering what James might look like...

**"**Lily?"

**"**Sorry, what?"

**"**What might I have heard?" I looked at Mary to see if she were willing to take this one only to find that she had left. She was now slipping into a bench looking very sheepish indeed.

**"**Damnit, Mary." Jacob rose his eyebrow, "Er... I mean, just that..."

"You're dating James?"

"I'm not dating James." He frowned.

"That's not what I heard."

"From who?"

"Everyone who heard Mary yell at the boys if I hadn't heard it myself."  
>"Oh."<p>

"There's no need to lie Lily. I mean, I would be lying to say I didn't wish you had at least waited until after our date. Maybe you'll like me after all, hey? It would make things considerably more awkward if you had to break his heart after already having had accepted."

I loved that he was still joking around. Not making me feel terrible or accusing me of leading him on. Not turning off and pretending he never liked me. Not turning cold and ignoring me entirely. Jake really was amazing.

If I hadn't already been quite certain I fancied the pants off Potter I would have definitely swooned.

**"**I'm not lying. We're not dating." He brightened slightly.

**"**Honest?" I nodded.

**"**I do fancy him though." It was his turn to nod, slowly though he wasstill grinning.

**"**Why are you not dating then?"

**"**It's complicated." He snorted. "Fine. It certainly might have had something to do with your sister and him dating."

**"**If it helps I am fairly certain that was fake."

**"**It really doesn't." His eyes widened in understanding.

**"**Oh."

**" '**Oh', indeed."

**"**Well, why does your best friend think you are dating?'

**"**Because she assumed. And I didn't bother correcting."

**"**Okay." He had accepted that more readily than I had thought. I eyed him curiously but he simply shrugged.

**"**I figure we could talk about you and your inevitable relationship with Potter or... " He grabbed my hand and started pulling me toward the gates. "... we could start on our day out. Not a date, but an idea of what might have been had we dated."

I would have objected at the inevitability bit as I wasn't so sure I believed in fate, but instead I smiled at him gratefully. My stomach rumbled.

**"**What about breakfast?" I asked somewhat pathetically.

**"**We'll eat at Hogsmeade." I immediately loved the idea despite being rather low on finances.

It turned out that my money did not matter in the slightest as Jacob insisted on buying everything. After we had dined on eggs and pastries the bill had come and I had assumed we would split the bill. Jacob refused.

**"**You're being ridiculous!" He cried out pulling the bill back from my clenching fingers.

**"**I'm being ridiculous?"

**"**First off, I only get to take you out to eat this once, so let me pay." I glared at him.

**"**We can go out plenty after this! Even if I date Potter I won't be on a leash for goodness sake!"

**"**That's not what I meant. We can still go out and we'll probably split the bill, but let me pay for today. Please."

**"**It's not a date." I said through gritted teeth.

**"**I know," he threw back. "Listen, it's my way of showing you that I like you."

**"**I already know _that_."

**"**But you don't reciprocate," I flinched, "I'm not trying to guilt you. I'm just saying at least accept this. Offer of friendship or whatever. I have more than enough money. You're insulting me by not paying."

I knew he was bluffing. He wasn't offended by my reluctance, he only did that so that I would let him pay. And it sadly worked. Not guilting me my ass. We left the shop with me still in a sulk. He rolled his eyes.

**"**Think of it as practice." I quirked an eyebrow. "For Potter... If you think this is annoying, just wait until you date Potter." I still didn't understand. "I am fairly well off, right? Don't make that face, you know I don't care that I'm pureblood, but with it often comes some old money. We love to spend. Sometimes lavishly. I try not to, but it feels weird letting someone else pay for something when, quite frankly, I could do it so much easier. Hey, stop glaring! Look, Potter better thank me for taking the brunt of this training lesson."

**"**You're being an arse."

**"**I am not! I am explaining something."

**"**Are you telling me if I were a pure blooded girl we could split the bill?" His cheeks colored."I knew it! It's just patriarchy and you are pulling class rank!"

**"**Am not! Listen, my point was Potter is going to spend way more than me on you and you need to get used to it."

**"**I will do no such thing. Money is stupid."

**"**Yeah it is, especially when you can't even spend it on what you like because it's too proud." I blushed slightly this time.

**"**Well, you would be too."

**"**Ay, I would. But, luckily, I'm not aiming for dating Potter." I laughed.

**"**Hey! I thought we were not going to waste time on that subject."

**"**Too true. Let's quit at it." I smiled, more than willing to not say his name again. It was already in my head it didn't have to occupy my every spoken thought as well. "Did I tell you that you are looking absolutely marvelous by the way?" He took up my arm and we walked off, not to say Potter's name for the rest of the afternoon.

I wish I could say the same for the rest of the day.

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><p>AN: Sorry about the lack of James. He is big in the next chapter, promise!


	14. Clichés Galore

_A/N: _

_Hi, again my fabulous readers!_

_So, we're almost the end! Woot? I dunno. Depends on how you feel about endings and this story I guess. Already have the end written out. Attempting to edit (which I should ___really ___do much more often). But that should be updated soon. No later than next week._

_Shout out to the amazing _**_NoseBitingTeacup_**_! I am terribly flattered. And wish to bestow on you this virtual hug. Which is fairly big, not to toot my own horn or anything. But, rather like Mary, I am not a big fan of hugs..._

_Please, don't forget to review! It goes a long way._

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><p><em>Don't be a fool girl, tell him you love him.<em>

_Don't be a fool girl, you're not above him. _

_ Ingrid Michaelson, Die Alone_

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><p>"Why does the whole school think we're dating?"<p>

James was draped so casually across my bed, I hadn't even noticed him at first. The way his black hair fell on my pillow made me want to lay my hand across his head. That or jump out the window. Whichever one would be less humiliating.

Though I suppose if I jumped the bastard would probably hop on a broomstick and save me if just so we could have this talk.

I so badly didn't want to have this talk.

I eyed around for a nearby broomstick, weighing my options like any reasonable witch would. If I wasn't so suspicious about his methods to get into this dormitory I would have tried for it. Unfortunately, that stupid broom was probably here somewhere. Damn. I would have so loved the opportunity to test out my falling abilities. Better luck next time I suppose.

I sighed, resigned to my fate and... began to stall.

"How did you get in here?" I already knew how he'd gotten in. And he _knew_ I knew. Still, he humored me.

"The window." He lifted up his broomstick which had been propped against my bed.

Ha! So I had been right about not jumping. Well the inevitable rescue _and_ I'm not exactly opposed to staying alive. I was careful to not let any of this crazy thought process show on my face, but found, somewhat despairingly, my controlled expression didn't quite matter.

This whole time he hadn't even looked my way. James was simply staring straight up toward the ceiling, letting go of his snitch and catching it again. I felt a slight sense of foreboding.

I couldn't help but marvel how things had changed so much from last night. I was still upset about how low I had stooped in kissing James. Don't make that face! I'm not saying it was low to kiss James, or that I was above him or any of that fifth-year crap. No, I was referring to me kissing a boy I thought was taken.

Yeah, that _was_ low.

But now I felt like I was some childish brat attempting to justify my tantrum. My reasons for leaving last night were valid, and yet they were not my real reasons. Sirius had called me out on it and now... here we were here facing the facts. I sighed.

"I didn't know what to say."

"What?" He finally looked up at me. His hazel eyes widened in surprise. "You wore that to see Jacob?" I nodded reluctantly.

"You look really nice. Lucky bloke." I grinned, almost unconsciously.

"Some might say the same for you," I teased.

"Would they?" He looked hopeful and I sobered.

"They think we're dating because I couldn't think of any reasons to explain why we're not."

"Because there are no reasons?" His voice was level, but he had gone back to playing with the snitch and I could tell he was nervous by the way his hand shook slightly as it reached to grab the golden ball.

It made me slightly giddy to think that I made James Potter nervous.

"I didn't say that."

He looked at me again, this time scowling.

"Alright. What then? I'm a bullying toerag? You know I quit that last year. I'm arrogant? Because damn it, Lily, I don't feel very arrogant right now. Not now, as the girl I've been chasing these past couple years turns me down...yet again."

"I'm not turning you down," I protested quietly. He looked surprised, but the once hopeful glint in his eye had been dampened by one too many false hopes.

"Then, what?"

"I'm trying to explain what I'm thinking." He nodded.

"Do you think I was trying to manipulate you into dating me?"

"No! I don't think you would do that to me... or to anyone. I have noticed you've changed James. It just took me a bit is all."

"Then what's the issue?" He was back to looking hopeful and I felt like the heartless owner who kept pretending to throw the tennis ball.

"I kissed you even though I thought you were dating someone." He had been sitting on the bed upright, but stood up to face me. He pulled my wringing hands into his own.

"So?"

"So... That's not a good start to a relationship."

"Well, we already got off on the wrong foot when we met, what's wrong with wrong-footing it again?"

"Don't you see how long it took us to get here after that? Why is nothing easy between us?"

"Good things never are."

"That's so cliché, and you know it."

"Sometimes cliché things are the most true of all. You know, like red heads who have a wicked temper?" He was grinning as he let go of my hand to run his fingers through my hair. "Or the idiot boy who thinks that being a jerk is wooing a girl."

"Or the girl not realizing what she had until it was gone." He stopped grinning and put his hand under my chin.

"That too, of course."

Suddenly we were kissing. Okay, okay, that's another cliché. Suddenly? But honestly, one moment we're just standing next to each other and the next his tongue is on my lips...Er... too much detail?

He led me to the bed and pulled me down alongside him. My head was echoing warnings and the implications of being on the bed with a boy. A boy I so happened to fancy. A boy who was convinced he was in love with me.

I pulled away, with some reluctance and noticed with a thrill that somehow his shirt had come off. My dress was, thankfully, still in place. Though a bra strap may have slunk off my shoulder. I hurriedly pulled it back up.

"Erm... let's take a break for a moment... catch our breath."

"Too fast?" He looked genuinely concerned. I half shook my head and nodded. He laughed and lay back down, stroking my back.

"I know how you feel." I glared at him to show that he did not know how I felt, and moved to grab his shirt. He groaned.

"I just took that off!"

"Oh, wow, pulling off a shirt lot of work that."

"You would know." He was grinning. I groaned in turn.

"Nice one, Potter."

"What? You were the one who pulled it off." My cheeks colored slightly, but I tried my best to act nonchalant. I threw the shirt on top of him and then lay down.

We faced each other in the bed, he turned on his side and propped himself up on his elbow.

"What now?"

"We snog for a bit longer?"

"Or we talk about what we could... you know." He smiled even more.

"Relationship stuff?" I was slightly disconcerted by his enthusiasm.

"Er... yes?"

"Great! Well, obviously we're dating, right?" I resumed my glare.

"I don't recall being asked?"

"Really? You don't recall the last sixty-one times I asked you out?"

"You were keeping tally!"

"What? That was... just... a guess..." He was blushing.

"Was it?"

"No. But I'll have _you _know that the only reason I can recall the exact number is that I recently checked after Mary asked me to."  
>It was my turn to be embarrassed.<p>

"She asked you?"

"Yep."

"Is she how you found out people thought we were dating?"

"Not exactly. Sirius, Remus and Peter told me first. They accused me of pulling their leg in saying that you'd rejected me. I was simply confused. So, we went to the source."

"You didn't ask me."

"No, dear, Mary. You were the source of confusion, I meant source of information." I hit him lightly on the shoulder. He merely chuckled. "Anyway, when we asked her what you had told her about the situation she was rightly willing to let me know how you didn't want people mentioning the boyfriend word for fear of upsetting Jacob. But that she was very happy for us and then she asked me how many times it had taken me."

"Sixty-one."

"Yep."

"And even if my mates hadn't talked to me or Mary hadn't been forthcoming, the hundred or so congratulations I received were enough to make me doubt my sanity. It was as if we had become engaged or something!" I laughed.

"Sorry about that."

"No problem, it really helped with what might have otherwise been a very depressing afternoon."

"My kissing was that bad, eh?"

"More the you hinting that you were never talking to me again bit that did me in really."

"I'm really sorry, James. That was entirely uncalled for." He shrugged awkwardly from his position lying down.

"I lied to you, you were mad. It's understandable. I probably shouldn't have been laughing when I told you."

"That may have helped a little."

"So we're both very sorry. I have a question to ask then."

"Don't."

"Why not?"

"I want to make it an even 62."

"That's what this will make it..."

"Exactly."

"You're planning on saying no?"

"If you ask me now, yes."

"What! Why?"

"It's almost summer, James."

"Don't tell me you want to be uncommitted this summer. What you're going to Paris or something and don't want to be tied down?"

"Stop being an arse. No. I just mean that we should wait a while. I _am_ going away this summer for a couple months."

"When? Where?"

"Ireland in July and August, meaning that I won't see you for a while."

"That leaves us with June! And I don't mind waiting two months after that. Why can't we be dating during that time?"

"Well that's all just really a title, isn't it? Let's promise to be potential love interests for one another, and if you're still interested in dating after the summer I promise I'll say yes when you ask."

"I'm asking you now."

"What?" I pushed myself up onto my elbows and stared at him curiously.

"It won't be 62 times, because I'm still going to ask you out now."

"Ugh, James! You are impossible. I'm going to stay no..." He was staring back at me defiantly. "Fine. Let it be 63 then if it must."

"It won't be 63 either."

"You're giving me an ultimatum? I have to say yes or you'll quit asking me?" That was ridiculous! Okay, fine, I was being ridiculous as well, but it felt too rushed to start dating so quickly. We should give it a bit. Get used to not hating each other. I said this last bit aloud.

"I never hated you," he replied with a frown. I sighed.

"I don't think I ever really hated you either." He threw me a face. "What? I don't think I did."

"You said you'd rather date the giant squid than me."

"Yeah, but that's what I mean. I need to get used to knowing that I never hated you. That I just _thought _I did."

"Fine. But I'm still asking you now."

"So sixty-three it is."

"No."

"_Potter_."

"Hey, I prefer to be called James, potential love interest."

"Fine. _James_. My darling and yet so irritating potential love interest, what do you mean 'no'?"

"This isn't an ultimatum... but I'm also not going to passively wait along for you. Instead, I plan on asking you out every day until you come back from vacation, or, well, until you say yes." I groaned and he went on unperturbed. "If you're fine being bombarded everyday, then that's how it will be. If, however, you become annoyed by the constant owls that fly to your hotel or house or wherever then simply write yes and I'll be thrilled to stop."

I fell back into the bed and closed my eyes. Lines of colored lights flashed across my vision as I rubbed my eyelids, distracting myself with the bright colors. When I opened my eyes he was frowning at me again.

"You're smudging your black eyelash stuff."

"Do I look horrid, then?" He grinned and leaned down to kiss me.

"You could _never _look horrid."

"James," I whined.

"What?"

"Don't do this."

"Why not?"

"Isn't it pathetic that I keep making you jump through hoops? I'm such a bitch." James looked furious.

"Have you been talking to Sirius?"

"Did Sirius call me a bitch, then?"

"Er... no." James was blushing scarlet and rubbing his neck. I smiled drily.

"Yes he did. And it's true."

"No it's not! You just want to get used to the idea of... not hating me. And I have a couple ideas for ways to ask you out that I thought I'd never get to use because you hate that. But, here is the perfect opportunity to test them all out!" I shot out of bed.

"You're going to be really annoying and embarrass me aren't you?"

"You bet your lovely arse I am."

"James!"

"And, the best part is that you can't threaten me with saying no in the fall because you already promised me you'd say yes!"

"Don't do this!" I begged.

"There's an easy way to avoid this all Lily..."

"Say please?" I asked hopefully. He shook his head.

"Say yes."

"What?"

"It's not exactly creative, but..." He stood up and closed the distance between us with one long step. He kissed me and then cupping his hands around my chin leaned his forehead into mine. "Lily?" His breath brushed softly against my face.

"Yes?"

"Go out with me..." I scowled.

"That was really more of a demand Mr. 62."

"And that wasn't a no."

"Oh? Alright. No. Wait until the fall, Potter."

"James," He corrected me tirelessly. "Oh, and I look forehead to keeping up correspondence." He winked at me and I was fairly dismayed to see that he was not at all put out by my rejection. Apparently wanting to try out all those ways of asking had not been an empty bluff.

Damn.

"Er... James?" He had picked up his broom and already put back on his shirt.

"Yes, love?"

"Let's make it 64, eh? Just twice more?"

"Nah. I'm aiming for somewhere more in the 100s range. That sounds way more impressive."

"Not really. I think asking girl's out is really more like golf."

"Ah, but this shows persistence. And if it can't be low might as well go high."

"That's bollocks!"

Holding his broom tightly he came back to kiss me once more, soundly. I smiled into his mouth and he grinned back.

"Nah. That's love."

I squeaked at that, though I was surprisingly not as mad as I thought I would be at his flippant use of the L word. Still I moved to sit on my bed, safely away from the messy haired boy. James looked amused by my reaction.

"See you tomorrow!" He waved and blew a kiss before hopping out the balcony with his stupid broom.

I was still grinning ten minutes later when Mary showed up.

Maybe giving him my cloak hadn't been so bad after all.


	15. More Than One Hundred

_It was a joy to write this! Thanks for everyone who stuck with me :] _

_And a special thanks for those who favorited!_

__Please, review if you can! (As you can see below I am quite fond of reviewers!)__

**__S___hout out to: **_JaneEyre161_** and _**_NoseBitingTeacup!_**__**

**_JaneEyre161: First off, thank you! I'm really glad you like it, especially what you said about point number 4. Wasn't sure if that was too much for something that was intended to be a humorous piece. And as for Lily knowing about Prongs...well, I imagine they called themselves by the names often enough that Lily just caught on eventually (like the part in the next chapter about where she teases them for it). That's not to say that it's exactly common knowledge though, which is why Snape never recognized the names years later on the map, but I figured some of the Gryffindors (namely those who hung around them a lot, like Lily or Mary) might have noticed.  
><em>**

_**_NoseBitingTeacup: Aww, that was very nice... I'm blushing :D Thanks so much! You are absolutely amazing :] _**  
><em>

_And sorry about the bad poetry... _

_And fluff. So much fluff._

* * *

><p><em>You kept me guessing and your distance<em>

_Were it not for my persistence_

_We would never have been lovers._

The Lucksmiths, Great Lengths

* * *

><p><strong>Attempt number 64<strong>:

I woke up, as giddy as ever and went to breakfast expectantly. Nothing happened. I saw James but he merely waved at me with a smile. I didn't even sit with him. Instead, Mary and I sat with Jake, who was being very studious and had to tell us (politely) to shut up or else he was going to murder both of us. Stupid NEWTS. Mary had been laughing up a storm ever since I told her about Potter's idiotic plan. She spent the entire day guessing ways he might do it.

By the end of the evening I was admittedly very disappointed when nothing had happened at all. It was 10 o'clock and I looked to James pitifully to find he wasn't even paying me any attention. The four marauders were playing a rather long game of exploding snap and while they hadn't really been ignoring me (Sirius had been winking at me all day, Remus was as friendly as usual, and James had been irritatingly polite) they were certainly not thinking of me either.

I had forestalled going to bed for as long as my pride was willing. Usually I was in bed by nine reading for an hour before I fell asleep. I looked around the near empty common room before getting up as slowly as possible to head upstairs, feeling absurdly sad. As soon as I reached the first step to the girl's dormitories a loud bang went off followed by a series of fireworks that in a blazing fire spelled out: Lily Evans, Go out with me!

Half the commons burned down, but I got a wonderful snog from it and the satisfaction of saying a very half-hearted no to a very soot-covered face and fogged up glasses. He had simply laughed as McGonagall pulled him away to detention, telling him if he wanted to impress Miss Evans he might try not getting detention for the rest of the year as there was only 2 weeks left to go.

Potter rose to the challenge and declared that if it would prove his love he would do just that.

For the next two weeks nobody was caught in any of the pranks that the marauders did, cementing most of the school's belief that the marauder's got caught on purpose.

I _was_ impressed, but not enough to cave in.

* * *

><p><strong>Attempt number 80<strong>:

The hot water burned my hands slightly as I scrubbed at the pan. I couldn't sleep and so had decided to do the dishes that I had been planning on leaving for Petunia. Just because she skipped dinner didn't mean she could skip out on chores. Besides that was rude of her to not see my parents tonight. She wouldn't be seeing us for two months.

We left for Ireland in the morning, for which I was eternally grateful. Petunia was furious at me for all of the owls that kept coming around. When she announced that she couldn't bear to be separated from Vernon, a walrus of a man that she met at work, and so could not possibly go to Ireland I had been very relived. Two more months of owls seemed like it might put my sister over the edge.

As in she might just grab a drill from the company she worked at and slice me with it. Wand or no wand. And that was straight from the horse's mouth. ...Petunia looking like a horse, is just a coincidence, promise.

Today an owl hadn't arrived. My mum suggested that James had forgotten I said we were leaving tomorrow and so his owl was currently at the house rental in Ireland. I knew James wouldn't forget though.

No, it was much more likely that he had given up. Still, that rang falsely in my mind and for a moment I feared for Hermes' safety. What if the owl had been attacked or...? _Stop it, Lily. You're being a worry wart. _I bent back down to continue scrubbing the pan again when I dropped my sponge.

There, in the soap suds, was a message.

"Date me? Love, James."

It was a bit short as the letters written out of the soap were quite large. As usually this kind of thing required the spell caster to be near, I looked out into the dark window but only saw the black of the night. Oh well, if I'd seen Potter's face I probably would have screamed and woken the neighbors.

I imagined I could respond in kind, so I rubbed the soap together, erasing his letter and wrote out my response.

"No. Love, Lily"

I realized, startled, it was the first time I had signed off with "love". James must have realized too, as I distinctly heard a whoop before a shh that sounded suspiciously like Remus. I smiled as I rinsed off the pan letting the soap bubbles collect in the bottom of the sink.

* * *

><p><strong>Attempts number 105 and 106<strong>:

I was miserable. Yesterday we'd been out sightseeing when it started to pour. My parents, clever as they are, had decided to call it quits and go back to the house. I, determinedly stubborn, had insisted on continuing my hike. I came back a wet mess and not even Potters wet and soggy paper airplane that he'd sent could please me.

The ink had all smudged together anyway and I could hardly make out the poem he hadwritten. Plus, I sneezed all over it, which probably hadn't helped much.

That next day I was downright feverish. James must have somehow figured that out. Maybe my lack of response yesterday had confused him.

He sent over chicken noodle soup, delivered from a nearby restaurant. As I ate I realized that the noodles were letters. They spelled out: Love you, James. And although that didn't really count as asking me out, there were no other attempts that day, and I added it to the tally anyway.

The next day, feeling somewhat better, after my parents had left I decided to tackle one of the puzzles that had been left by the owners. You know how when you rent a place they leave weird books and things? Well, I was bored enough to try out a 1,000 piecer.

Okay. I lied. I love puzzles. They are amazing and fun and I don't care if that makes me sound like a twat.

Something was weird about this one, though. It was supposed to be of a basket full of kittens. I know, I know, that's a rather lame puzzle. But the kitties were so adorable! How could I resist? And yet, instead of those darling kittens, there was another badly written poem at the end. I'll have quite the collection by the end.

_"Dearest Lily,_

_My lovely flower..._

_They say that love is the strongest power._

_And so my sweet, as from illness you do recover,_

_Please take this token from your ever faithful lover:_

_For I do love with a passion pure and true_

_And that is more powerful than the strongest brew_

_Of Amortentia._

_So, if you can, find it in your heart_

_To give our relationship its belated start_

_Then please my darling, my lovely Lily._

_This waiting around is getting silly._

_If you would be my girlfriend, my one and only_

_Then I would not be so lonely._

_And from me you would have the happiest man._

_Darling Lily, if you can..._

_Say yes!_

_And go out with me._

_We're perfect for each other, you must agree._

_And see_

_How Happy_

_We_

_Could Be._

_Forever and Faithfully Yours,_

_James_"

This was my response:

"_Not yet. Wait till the fall._

_I promise then, I'll no longer stall._

_Yours soon,_

_Lily Evans_

_PS Thanks for the soup!_"

* * *

><p><em>...10 poems later...<em>

**Attempt Number 154:**

I had come back from vacation anxious to meet James, but I couldn't find him anywhere. On the Hogwarts Express I searched every room, hoping to catch a glimpse but ultimately failed.

Finally, resigned to the fact that the head-boy was going to be mad at me if I arrived much later I walked over the the prefects' compartment to plan the meeting with the Head Boy. I wondered blithely who it might be. I had thought Remus originally, but he _had _been in the marauder's compartment and told me it wasn't , when I'd asked where James was they had all started laughing. Idiots.

Despite not knowing, mostly my thoughts were occupied by that bushy haired young man who I had thought would have met me right away. He knew I was going to say yes. I had promised.

And even if I hadn't I would have said yes anyway. I had wanted to for the last thirty times. Where was that boy?

I barged into the head's compartment, feeling quite angry, but knowing I owed the head boy an explanation for running late. Girl problems? Was that too awkward. Definitely too awkward.

The room was empty.

What an arse! I ignored the hypocrisy of being mad at someone for something I had just been about to apologize for and slumped next to the window looking forward to brooding a bit before he arrived.

And where the bloody hell was James?

Staring out the window I was quite startled to see letters start forming in the fogged glass.

"Go out with me..."

"James?"

Suddenly in a flash of movement James was standing there holding a silvery cloak. I gasped.

"Is that an invisibility cloak?

"Answer my question first."

"It wasn't a question," I bit back as I grabbed his cloak. I swept it around myself, marveling at how my limbs all disappeared. "This is spectacular!" He rolled his eyes.

"That's all you have to say? Honestly! I've been asking you out 100-some times and all you do is grab my bloody cloak! Lily..." I cut him off with a kiss.

"It started with a cloak, may as well end with one." I grinned up at him and he reached for his clock, but I pulled it out of reach. Then, widening my eyes as best I could, I went for my best James Potter impersonation.

"You want me to keep this... all night?"

He grinned back at me.

"I didn't say that you handsome hunk."

"Hey! I did _not _say that to you!"

"It was something like that."

"No, it wasn't!"

"Lily," he nodded towards the window. "So..?" It was my turn to roll _my _eyes.

"Obviously! Yes! Yes, I will go out with you James Potter!"

We began snogging again, but I quickly cut it off with an anxious cry.

"Get out! You have to get out! The head boy is already a half hour late! He'll probably be here any minute!" James started laughing and I hit him lightly across his head.

"This isn't funny, you dolt!"

"Yes it is..."

"The head boy will think I'm a slag."

"The head boy would _never _think such a thing!"

"Don't say that with such odd determination. If you prank that boy I will..."

"I wouldn't prank him! He's too good at pranking."

"Remus? He told me he wasn't."

"I say good at pranks and you go straight to Remus? Geez, Lil, give a bloke a little self-esteem here..."

Then I noticed it. The badge. On his chest.

"No..."

"Hey. Once again with the esteem bashing."

"No... I mean... no..."

"You already said yes," he smirked.

"Why didn't you tell me!"

"I wanted it to be a surprise."

"Ugh! You dolt."

"No... I'm a hunk remember?"

"I didn't say that, _you _said that."

"Me pretending to be you, it still counts."

I stared up toward the ceiling, praying, as I had countless times before for a little help with the bush haired, bespectacled boy in front of me. My boyfriend. The boy I fancied. The one and only James Potter.

"Are you going to say anything?"

"What else is there to say?"

"Good job, boyfriend. Fancy that. You are amazing."

"I am not going to start calling you boyfriend, James."

"You really should, girlfriend. It gets the word out much quicker."

"As if you hadn't already told all your friends."

"Of course _they _know. I mean everyone else."

"I'm sure you'll find a way. Because if you start calling me girlfriend I will probably have to murder you."

"Wouldn't want that. Finally she says yes and then is sentenced to Azkaban... would really put a strain on our relationship I think."

"No more than the you being dead part, I think you forgot why I went to Azkaban."

"You went to Azkaban?" An adorable first year was sticking their head into the door and blushed furiously when we both turned around to stare at her. She had blond hair pulled into two braids.

"Nah. She never got caught," James winked at her.

I ignored him.

"What's your name?"

"Melanie..."

"I'm..."

"I know who you guys are. You're James Potter and Lily Evans." I nodded, somewhat disconcerted. How did she already know who I was? A second year would know, maybe, and that's only because I was prefect and too close in association with the infamous James Potter to blend into the background.

"Er... you have a sibling who goes here?" She looked confused. Potter looked suddenly nervous. I became immediately suspicious." Then how did you...?"

She pulled out a paper from behind her back. It was something called _The Daily Marauder_ and on the front page was a moving photo of me taken last year before I went to Ireland. Potter was next to me in the picture kissing my cheek. The title was: _At last! Boy snags beautiful soul-mate: James Potter and Lily Evans finally together. _Then in sub-print, "She said yes!" Skimming through it I was dismayed to find several testimonials from "close friends" including Mary, Marlene, all of the Marauders and... Jacob!

"'I knew they would get together. At least I got one date in, eh Potter?'" I read in disbelief.

"I know! Can you believe that bumble! Flirting with you in our getting-together testimonial. What nerve."

"Getting-Together article?"

"Yeah. Check the inside. Sirius writes a moving piece on couple names."

"You guys have a newspaper...?"

"Just recently. Wicked, huh?"

I turned to give the little girl back her copy, but she had already ran off. I sat down onto onto the seat once more and Potter fell in next to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. I lay my head onto his shoulder and he looked surprised.

"You're not mad?"

"Might as well get used to it if I'm going to be dating you, yeah?" He grinned and nodded. "I mean after all those spectacular ways of asking me out I'd be a fool to not know that you were over-the-top about dating."

"Yeah and just imagine how difficult actually proposing is going to be? I'm going to have to top myself! And with how long it took to get you to just go steady with me or what not, can you imagine how long it will take to get you to be Lily Potter! What am I saying, of course you can! You're probably planning a million excuses not to. I still have that adorable little poem you wrote me..."

"James!" I choked, "We're not even adults yet!"

"Speak for yourself." I scowled. "Calm it, I'm not proposing...yet. We just started dating for Merlin's sake."I eyed him for a few moments, waiting for him to start laughing or admit he was kidding around. He remained startlingly serious and grinned at my frowning stare.

"You know you're being crazy right?"

He shrugged.

"That's all subjective, my dear."

"Well, I vote you're insane."

"If you want to admit that your boyfriend is insane, then go ahead."

I smiled up at him and we kissed once more, forgetting for the moment about the uncertain future that lay ahead.

Besides, it was far too soon to be talking engagements. I hadn't even admitted I loved him yet! And... yet... I wasn't _quite_ terrified about the prospect. Nervous? Certainly. Confident that he was right about how long it would take? Of course. But also quite sure that one day my last name might match the weirdo beside me?

Definitely.


End file.
